Caregiver

This is not a title I sought out but one that has become necessary to embrace.  Most of the time the job is very doable and often gratifying and then there are days (or nights) when I have a good cry when I realize how important it is.  Sometimes I fail miserably.  When we went to Arizona for Scott's doctors appointment the doctor that we met with told me it was time to increase his medicine that helps him be calmer.  That increase should make it possible for him to sleep better at night and also help him from getting overly agitated.   I decided that I would wait until we got home on Friday night to increase the dosage.  The trip home had been painful for him and for me so it was easy to begin the medicine that might help him feel a little more at peace.  At about midnight the routine began where is was up and down the rest of the night getting dressed and redressed a number of times.  By morning I decided that we wouldn't increase the dosage and just keep doing what we had been doing but again by bedtime I was ready to try it one more time hoping that the additional medication dosage just took a bit longer.  It didn't help and by 4 a.m. we were both wide awake and he was pacing back and forth worried about when he should get ready for church.  In that moment I realized  that the reason the medication wasn't working is that I gave him additional Donepezil which is what he takes to increase his clarity instead of the medicine to help him relax and sleep better.  Poor Scott was so wired he couldn't sleep because I made a mistake.

Being a caregiver requires an great deal of attention to detail and on Friday and Saturday night I messed up.  I had a good cry when I realized what had happened.  I corrected the medications for Sunday night and we will try again, hopefully with better results.  The reason I started giving him his meds when we were in New Hampshire was because he would forget and take extra doses or not take them at all.  Until this weekend that wasn't a problem any more.  Now the problem seems to be that we have the "blind leading the blind!"