Home!

Can you tell he has had a long day!

Elder Whitney just arrived back in Arizona.  The quarantine will continue for the next 14 days!

Dad couldn't manage the six foot rule!  

Love Them!

A sweet surprise was delivered to our house today.  Thank you Rachel and Austin for such a beautiful bouquet of flowers and note.  I want you to know that you made my day!

So Cute!

Ruth put this cute Centerpiece together.  She did a great job!

Teachers are the Best!

On Tuesday the teachers from Duncan and Eden's school caravan-ed around the neighborhood of the school boundaries and waved to all their students.  With Ruth's help, Duncan and Eden had signs to share a message back to their teachers as they drove by.  I loved that these teachers took the time to let the kids know that they loved and missed them!

Forgetting

I have been struggling.  I have prided myself in the fact that I have been able to see the silver lining.  I have actually been proud.  Too proud!  But lately I have been sad, tired, worried, and afraid.  I faithfully keep a to do list that helped me focus on accomplishing.  And then it happened I couldn't put my reminders on paper.  I couldn't make a commitment to keep moving forward and I hated that feeling but still couldn't shake it off and get busy.  When Grandpa fell and injured himself and I looked at his painful black eye I almost felt like it was just to much to bear.  Since the fall he can't stand without help and is in terrible pain while he does.  Just another burden?  Sadly, I had to fight that thought because Grandpa is not a burden.  For all I feel that I suffer I have to remember that he has lost everything. Everything but me.  I can remember.  I can do.  I can feel.  I am Grandpa's last lifeline before he passes to a brighter, kinder place.  I have never been depressed.  I have lectured myself about doing hard things and being happy and finding happiness in each struggle that may come my way.  I do that because I know there is a lesson to be learned in every experience we have.  Yesterday I saw an article written in 2011 entitled, "It Wasn't Because Laman and Lemuel had a bad attitude" and I was intrigued and printed it out to read it later. 

This morning it took almost an hour to get grandpa cleaned up and dressed.  I then had to feed him because I couldn't help him sit at the table.  After I was finished I sat down at the table to eat my breakfast and I watched him stare off into space and I started to cry.  And then fortunately, I began to pray.  I told my Heavenly Father I was so sad because I am overwhelmed and I don't want to be.  I asked forgiveness for my lack of patience and then pleaded with him to help me know what I should do.  I told Him that I wanted to want again.  I wanted to have thoughts and ideas come to my mind that would keep me busy and grateful.  I then ended my prayer and cleaned the kitchen and then went to sit at my desk.  The talk I had printed out was sitting there and I started to read it.  I read the following comment by Maurine Proctor.  "We are placed on a wilderness journey because the Lord is doing his work on us, because always the purpose of such a journey is to transform the travelers, burn out their impurities, strip them of the world, clarify their thinking, and sharpen their devotion that they may be candidates to dwell in the promised land.  The wilderness journey is the Lord's kindness to us, to make us fit for his kingdom."  Guess what, I started to cry.  (I know that was an easy guess because you know me!)  I was reminded that nothing that is happening right now is without purpose.  I am not on this journey without backup.  Grandpa is not on this journey without backup.  And as important and supportive all of you have been I have even someone who knows exactly how I feel.  He went in the Garden to pray for each one of us.  He knows suffering, sadness, depression, fear.  And because He knows we have hope, happiness, joy and faith.  I had for a brief time forgotten to remember.  And I have been remembering why I wanted to keep grandpa with me.  To help him move through this trial with the person who loved him the most.  I loved him because he always loved me. 

So the journey we are on will continue.  There will be peaks and valleys.  There are going to be lots more tears but you know what?  I'm not a Laman or Lemuel.  I want to be a Nephi.  As Sister Proctor wrote, "Nephi's journey, which is a type of our journey in life, was joyously transformed because he did know the dealings of that God who had created him.  This core understanding changed the nature of his journey...because it changed his core, the very essence of who he was."  As hard as it is sometimes to see the struggles that Grandpa is dealing with, how much worse it would have been if I hadn't stayed the course.  Dear grandkids please keep moving forward.  Don't let your trials make you question your value.  Let those trials remind you that you are never alone on any journey you take.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know you, love you, help you, and want you strong and able so you can return to them when you finish the journey you are on.  I will do the same!

The Fall

Sadly Grandpa had a bad fall last night.  I heard him fall and went right in to find him dripping blood and totally disoriented.  I called the fire department and they came and checked him out.  I'm waiting this morning for the hospice nurse to come by.  He has a gash over his eye and as you can see a pretty bad black eye.  The paramedics put him back in bed for me but soon after they left he kept trying to get up.  I had the bed-rail up but that wasn't much of a deterrent.  I finally gave up and helped him into the livingroom where he slept sitting up all night.  He actually slept really well until about 5 a.m.  Unfortunately, he is still in the same place on the couch because when I try to help him he yelps in pain.  I suspect he is just badly bruised from the fall and because he has so little strength he can't get up.  I have fed him and gave him his medicine and hopefully once the nurse comes I can get him cleaned up and changed.  I hope the couch can recover from me not thinking to put a pad down before he sat down!

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Swim Party!

Some interesting characters invited themselves for a swim today in the Whitney's pool!  

Senior Recital

There are so many things that come when emergencies arise.  Some of the affects are positive and some are disappointing.  For Owen his school closure is bittersweet.  The school closes tomorrow for the remainder of the year and they hope to have graduation in August.  Since Owen is a senior the scheduled senior recital was moved up from Saturday to yesterday with an hour notice.  For any of you who have ever heard Owen play his trombone you know how talented he is.  Uncle Ben and family had planned to fly to California on Thursday so they could see it but it didn't get to happen.  Instead Uncle Ben is driving today from North Dakota to Orange County to help Owen pack up his belongs and head home.  Our first grandchild to graduate from college is pretty special.  Thank you Owen for your example!  Sorry a nasty bug got in the way of all the activities you would have enjoyed if it hadn't!

My Garden

No vegetables but I love my flowers.  I have probably planted the last of the
flowers before the Arizona heat sets in!

Only 3!

Today Grandpa got a new do!  It took Uncle Christian, Aunt Amy, and me to get it done but after no haircut for a year it was monumental.  I kept Grandpa in the chair and Aunt Amy and Uncle Christian literally cut hair at the same time.  I was very impressed with Uncle Christian--I never saw him move so fast!!!  Although Grandpa didn't enjoy the experience he looks so much better now.  Showers, shaves, nails clipped, and now a haircut.  I am proud of grandpa and I think we are amazing!

This is not a dead animal--it's grandpa's beautiful
white hair!

                           Special thanks to the two amateur barbers who did a very good job!

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When we seek to 'complete' rather than 'compete,' it is so much easier to cheer each other on!"

Linda Burton

Update

I was thinking I should do an update on dad.  Hospice has been great and I am learning much on how to help dad.  For two weeks in a row he has had a shower and today I actually clipped his fingernails.  I especially appreciated that because his nails are like daggers when he grabs onto me!  Earlier this week the doctor took him off of the medication he was on (and I thought was useless) and switched it to another anti-anxiety medication.  The good news is that he takes it--the bad news is he takes it.  I now have two choices.  Give him the medication and a zombie is born.  Don't give him the medication and the screaming banshee visits.  Neither is ideal and the guilt I feel when he is almost non-functioning is really painful to watch.  With or without the medication he still takes an afternoon nap which is good and he still is sleeping pretty good at night.  On a lighter note this morning while he was in a little period of rage he came to me and said in a very loud voice, "Elaine, Elaine I"M A MORMON!"  He is and I was grateful he remembered!  On another note twice this week he went to bed for the night and for about 45 minutes he talked to someone and laughed and laughed.  It was so neat to hear him having such a pleasant conversation.  Most of the time his words weren't distinguishable but the laughter and chuckling were heart warming. 

Happy Birthday Bruce!

16 Years Old