The Truth

Dear Grandchildren,  When I was a child and other children teased us we would say, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."  I have learned in my life that that is a BIG lie.  Words don't break our bones but they certainly can break our heart.  This morning in our typical stressed filled routine for getting Grandpa dressed I was helping him put his shirt on.  I'm not sure what upset him but he looked at me and yelled, "Elaine--you are an idiot!"  Now I know that he didn't mean it, but the shock and pain I experienced in that moment was stunning to me.  In fact, that moment hurt me more than when he kneed me in my face a few weeks ago.  I know I'm not an idiot-- but I have painfully repeated his words most of the morning and as I type this I have tears in my eyes.

I wanted to share this experience so each of you will choose your words well.  Grandpa doesn't have the ability to realize what he has done.  And in spite of the sadness I experienced at his words I will keep reminding myself that I am not an idiot--in fact, I am pretty smart.  Mean words aren't like sticking your hand in a bucket of water and when you pull it out it dries in a second.  It is like putting your hand in a bucket of grease and when you pull it out the residue remains and only time and effort will remove it.   Each of you have the opportunity to lift others with the things you say.  I hope you will remember my experience to make sure that you never contribute to others feeling in doubt of their self-worth.  Love, Grandma

A Bit of History

I came across a marriage record for Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Jr. while indexing this morning.  When I saw the name I didn't think that could be a coincidence so I looked him up.  This was his first of five marriages.  He was 5th son of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt.  Apparently he also was in politics and served in the House of Representatives from 1949 to 1955 and ran twice for Governor of New York.  This isn't as exciting as grandpa finding the Confederate dollar bill--but it was interesting! 

Get Ready Summer!!

Graham's ready for you!

Betty Jane

I recently made this doll bed for Eden after finding the pattern on Pinterest.  I included a doll that I named Betty Jane.  I do many projects but often the end result isn't very good.  In this case it looked as good if not better than the picture on Pinterest!  Isn't Eden the cutest four year old?

Names

I often shared interesting names that I saw when we were on our mission.  This week I have been working on indexing marriage records for Delaware and I remembered that so I wrote down some first names that I read as I was typing.  Don't you wish you knew the story behind some of these names?

                       Toussaine, Smiley, Stelsie, Cabantha, Mahlon, Caddie, Zula Mae, Lecta,                                 Taft, Martye, Alda, Elwood, Althia, Merce, Chaundey, Lulay, Astra,                           Leonida, Pindell, Virden, Henry Harries, Zona, Burtis, Anronda

Congratulations Ellis!

Captain Moroni

Captain Moroni showed up at the Cub Scout day camp on Saturday.  I am amazed at how busy Ellis is but he accepted a request to wear this cool costume and impressed a group of 8-10 year old boys!  Last Sunday he graduated from four years of seminary and next week he will graduate from high school.  Hard to believe in a few weeks he will board a plane to Israel, come back and start his freshman year at BYU and then wait for his mission call to come. 

I loved the skinny jeans and the tennis shoes!

Projects

Indexing Delaware Marriage Records

I have worked on a couple of projects that involved family history.  One was putting together a wedding scrapbook for Rachel and Austin and I started indexing records again.  Right now I am working on marriage records from Delaware.  I read a quote that really made me realize how important preserving memories are and getting the information right.  I have been gathering documents of ancestors and found a birth certificate for Don Leta Crow.  In my records I had Don as a male but the birth certificate corrected that assumption for me and yesterday I was able to put the correct name which was Don Letha Crow and corrected her gender!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Elder Neuenschwander made the following statement, "A life that is not documented is a life that within a generation or two will largely be lost to memory.  What a tragedy this can be in a history of a family.  Knowledge of our ancestors shapes us and instills within us values that give direction and meaning to our lives."  I am grateful that I am able to preserve memories for our family.

The Runner

The North Dakota Duncans completed a tradition that began years ago when Owen was in third grade.  He and his dad participated in a mile run with other kids and parents in the community.  Miriam followed a few years later and then Jeremy.  On Saturday Peter and Uncle Ben completed the tradition.  To make the experience even more eventful they did the final run in POURING rain.  Ben said the rain was so heavy that water was standing in the street as they ran.  You could say that Peter looked like a "drowned puppy" by the time they got home.  The smile on his face shows that the medal around his neck was worth it.  Great job Peter and great job dad!

Quote

Grandmas aren't old!  They've just been having fun a lot longer.

Dear Meg!

Meggie--Taken years ago!

Today the Cinderella movie made in 2015 was on television.  It made me think of you!  While on our
mission I listened to a talk given by a woman who said she had a "spiritual preparedness box."  She said she put things in her box to remind her of the good things to help her deal with the inevitable challenges that would come in her life.  She collected talks that had special meaning to her and other things like that.  That afternoon when we left work I drove to Joann's in Concord and bought a box so I could also have a "spiritual preparedness box" and I began collecting things that could go into my box for things that might be ahead for me.  One of the items that went into my box was a letter I received from you while we were on our mission.  In your letter you wrote, "I have made a few changes in my life since going to Philmont and though none of them were huge they made a significant difference.  I love reading your letters and seeing through your eyes the miracles you get to witness every week.  One of the most significant things I have learned lately is that with hard work, determination, and with the Lords help we really can do anything.  I don't know if you have seen the new Cinderella movie that Disney came out with a few months ago but it is one of my all time favorites.  When I am having a bad day or am mad at someone I have to remind myself to "have courage, and be kind."  I'm sure you can see why I put your letter in my spiritual preparedness box!  Thank you my wise granddaughter.  You have shown me that good things come to those to get up and make it happen.  I love you!

A Thought

I was thinking about what has happened since Grandpa was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer. It seems so long ago now but we have been on this journey for only a few years.  I remember the day we met with Dr. Weidman at the Banner Alzheimer Institute and he had the results of the brain scan that they had done.  He told us that grandpa had Alzheimer's Disease.  The interesting thing about it was that when we got back in the car I asked grandpa how he felt about what the doctor said.  His response fascinated me because he said, "I'm so relieved to know what it is!"  I think at that moment I knew that he would be okay because he had no idea what was ahead for him.  I on the other hand wiped the tears away all the way back to Christian and Amy's house.  At that time in my life I began to pray in a way I had never done before.  I knew that this disease would not be healed and I daily begged to have the strength to do what needed to be done.  I prayed that I would be kind the way I should be.  I prayed that grandpa would not linger in this stupor of thought for years and years.  I prayed that He would help me understand why and I prayed that I would be able to be happy.  Last summer I stood at our bedroom window looking out at the night and would pray as I stood there because if I knelt by the bed I would wake him and that created a whole set of problems we'd deal with.  Last night as I was praying before going to bed I realized something.  My prayers were so different.  I now thank Heavenly Father when grandpa has a good day.  I thank Him for being able to take care of grandpa.  I thank Him when someone stops by so I can have a regular conversation.  I thank Him for memories that often come to me during the day of better and happier and easier times.  I thank Him that I am never alone and for the knowledge that He knows the end from the beginning and I don't need to.  I thank Him for children and grandchildren who never forget us!

Heart Attack!

The title is a bit of an exaggeration but none the less a little frog scared me to death!  I have been nursing a geranium plant on our front patio for several months and this morning I decided to bring it into the kitchen to water it.  After making sure every plant was really wet, I needed to pour off the excess water in the pot.  Along with the water came several flower petals, dirt, and  leaves so I went to rinse the trash down the sink.  When the water hit a spot of dirt it turned into a hopping frog who jumped all over the bottom of the sink and gave me a start!  Now mind you he was about the size of a quarter but I just wasn't expecting to see a frog in my sink.  I am not usually squeamish--except around snakes--but the idea of touching it didn't appeal to me so I got a plastic cup and after several tries I caught the little critter and was able to take it outside where hopefully he/she found another home.  Ava and Caleb came over this afternoon with their dad and she made this for me out of Play-doh.  If the frog had looked as cute as this one--it still would have scared me to death!

80's

Ava's school had a program which involved playing the part of a person from the 80's.  Ava was assigned to be Pat Benatar whose claim to fame was "Hit Me With Your Best Shot".  Ava as you can see was so cute but obviously the 80's weren't the decade of many significant people or events.  I looked it up and this is what I found: Mt. St. Helens erupted, Rubik"s cubes came on the scene, Post it Notes were introduced, and John Lennon from the Beatles was killed.  Other than that not a lot was happening that would be worth talking about.   Angela did a great job of decking Ava out for the evening though and I'm sure she had fun doing her part for the program!

Thanks Burke!

Bill sent me this picture today of their dog, Burke.  He had just been given a bath and in case you couldn't tell it wasn't his favorite activity.  When I saw this picture I thought of Grandpa after he gets out of the shower.  He is beside himself and I am right there with him!  Since I can't take a picture to show you what an unpleasant experience it is for him I decided that Burke could show you how grandpa feels.  I don't know if you have heard the expression, "like a whipped puppy" but that is a great description of bath-time at our house!

Bucket List

One of my journal prompts was to share what would be on your bucket list.  I have been thinking about it for a while and several times I had to smile at what I have thought about.  Here is my bucket list at this point in my life.  1) Go to Hobby Lobby and walk up and down every isle without having to hurry in and out before Grandpa has a melt down.  2) Go to a restaurant and enjoy a meal with friends.  3) Drive to Redlands and eat at Chick-fil-a and then browse in Joann's, Home Goods, and Hobby Lobby.  4) Go to church and stay for the entire time.  5) Go visiting teaching (aka-ministering).  6) Go to the Temple.  7) Go see a movie in the theater.  8) Go to the bathroom by myself.  Farther down the road my bucket list will involve going to North Dakota, Utah, Arizona but that's a whole new bucket list!

Happy Mother's Day

 A happy Mother's Day to two women who made all the difference in my life!  I will love to see them again in the coming years and thank them for all they did for me.  I wish I would have realized what a blessing they both were to me when they were nearby and I just assumed they knew.  They were both amazing women and very different in many ways.  But the common bond they had was they were loving mothers who sacrificed much for their children.

Eagle!

Today Ellis completed his Eagle project with the help of several young men in his ward.  This has been a perfect project and since it involved identifying birds that are in Mojave Narrows it was very close to his dad's heart.  Ellis and his dad designed and built the kiosk.  It was so nice for me to be a small part of it by providing lunch for the boys and their leaders once the work was done.  Good job Ellis!

Quote

Let us be absolutely clear of what God wants for each of us.  He wants us to have all the blessings of eternal life.  He wants us to become like Him.  To help us do that, He has given us a plan.  This plan is based on eternal truths and is not altered according to the social trends of the day.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Remember

I have always loved the scriptures I read about remembering and especially lately that has been a big part of my thought process.  I went on the Church website and typed in remember to actually see some of the scriptures that were in them talking about remembering.  I counted 287 times that remember was used.  In Alma 29:10 I read, ...then my heart is filled with joy, then do I remember what the Lord has done for me...then do I remember his merciful arm which he extended towards me. Another was in Doctrine and Covenants 8:5 which reminds us, Oh, remember these words, and keep my commandments.  Remember this is your gift.  On Sunday morning I was helping Grandpa get ready for the day and I talked to him about going to church.  He didn't know what I meant and at that moment I realized that without remembering you can't always feel joy.  If we don't remember the struggles we don't appreciate the good times in our life.  If we don't remember Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ we can't have the peace that knowledge of them brings.  If we can remember the blessings we can always navigate through the trials that will most certainly come.  I am grateful I can remember.  I remember all the good things Grandpa has always done.  I remember his willingness  to serve.  I remember that he kept the commandments.  I remember that he served his family and that he never gave up when difficult times came.  If he could remember now he would be able to smile.  If he could remember he would be proud of his children and grandchildren. If he could remember he would know that I love him.  But he doesn't remember anymore and joy isn't a part of his life right now and so I remember for both of us.  And I feel joy!  In Nehemiah 13:14 is says, Remember me, O my God concerning this, and wipe not out my good deeds that I have done for the house of my God, and for the offices thereof.  I know that Heavenly Father does remember and that Grandpa is not forgotten even though he has forgotten.

Shakespeare Family

Sweet Abby was recently in a Shakespeare play, The Tempest.  I think every one of their family (except Will) have now participated in a Shakespeare related activity. 

How I Roll...

I haven't written much lately because Grandpa has transitioned into I believe the next phase of his Alzheimer's disease.  I realized yesterday that it has been a couple of weeks since I have expressed gratitude for a good day.  Don't get me wrong I still express gratitude for many wonderful blessings I have experienced each day--just not that Scott had a good day.  We leave the house about once a day now and twice last week we didn't go anywhere and he didn't seem to realize it.  He now gets really upset because he doesn't know where we are going when we do.  Most of the time when I say that we are going back to our house he is absolutely sure that I am not going the right way.  His verbal skills are very disjointed.  Before he would start telling a story and lose the focus of what he was saying and so he would just throw in other words or phrases that didn't necessarily make any sense.  Now he will start to say something and now in mid sentence just stop.  Anxiety is back and going into a store has become very difficult especially if we have to wait in line.  I often remind him that he needs to use his inside voice because everyone doesn't need to hear him complain.  He spends a great deal of time standing.  He will be watching a show on television and then stand up in one place for an extended amount of time.  I often ask him if he needs something and he seems surprised that I have asked him that.  Now that I have explained all of that, I will tell you what happens to me when these changes occur.  I cry.  I cry a lot! Then one day I say, "it is what it is" and put it back into the hands of a loving Heavenly Father who is helping both Grandpa and me get through this process.  That's the way I roll!!