Caregiver Tip

#2  No one can love him like I do.
I approach this particular tip very carefully.  I will never judge another person for the decisions they make in caring for a loved one who requires long term care.  Sweet Grandma was in a memory facility the last few years of her life, and I believe she got good care by the caregivers there.  I was working full time when she came to live with us and after a year my Aunt Erma asked if she could come over for a visit to Phoenix.  I took her to the airport and put her on a plane for a week visit.  While there my Aunt and sister encouraged her to stay there and so they put her in an assisted care facility where my sister at that time worked.  Unfortunately, the newness wore off and my sister moved away and my Aunt didn't have the time to be very involved.  After they dropped out I came to Phoenix each month to take care of any needs she had.  I refilled her medications, took her shopping for clothes and other items, took her out to lunch, and cleaned her carpet-- because my sister thought she needed company and got her a little dog that was not potty trained.  As her dementia increased her fears increased and it was time to move her to another facility for memory loss where she lived until she had a stroke and passed away.  During that time I never told the facility I was coming and often stopped in more than once in the day to see how she was doing.  It was a good fit for her and I believe that she was happy just being around other women and participating in the various activities that were provided.

My goal from the beginning of the Alzheimer's diagnosis was to keep Grandpa with me.  I know him.  I LOVE him.  And I know that he would be miserable in a place that he has so many people around him coming and going.  Even now he is a very private person and having someone he didn't know bath him, and take care of his needs would not be a good thing.  I would worry that he would have to be restrained to keep him from hurting himself or someone else and that is enough to keep me doing everything I can to keep him with me.

I don't know what the future holds but I will continue to do all I can to be healthy enough to care for the both of us.  It is a wonderful blessing to have had many happy memories of our time together so I can draw on the strength I need to try to make many more--even if I am the only one who will remember.