Caregiver Tip

#4 No one is to blame
Our society seems to need an answer to everything that happens or someone to blame.  I have come to realize that the reality of this life is that sometimes things just happen.  I have read so much about Alzheimer's, not because I expect a miracle (I have experienced many since this began), but because I am looking for ideas that I may try to help Grandpa feel more comfortable as he loses touch with his life.  I am especially annoyed by stupid things like what they think may cause a person to get Alzheimer's disease.  I am even more annoyed when I read tips on how to keep from getting Alzheimer's.  I'm sorry but if there was ever someone who didn't go searching to lose his mind, your grandfather would be that person.  He was reading before he started first grade and until he started showing memory loss he never read one book at a time--he read three.  He never used a bookmark but could open each book to the spot he finished at in a matter of seconds.  If there was anything you wanted to know about science, history, math, politics, geography, or scriptures--you had a book of knowledge standing in front of you.  Your grandpa never met a person he couldn't identify years later.  He knew phone numbers and addresses if you gave him a name.  He graduated from BYU--summa cum laude and would have been magna but he got a B in Physical Education.  Grandpa could meticulously put a puzzle together (the bigger the better) and loved doing crossword puzzle books.  He loved learning and took every opportunity he had to learn something new.

I don't know why Grandpa got sick.  I don't know why young fathers and mothers pass away leaving behind a family who needs them.  I don't know why some families seem to have many painful experiences and others seem to have none.  The reality is when something happens to someone we love we have to not run around saying "I've been cheated."  What we must do is reassure everyone that we interact with that we have faith that in the end everything will be made right.  I recently read about a young mother with six children who died unexpectedly at 38.  He husband is a seminary teacher in Idaho.  He wrote such a profound reminder to me that I want you to hear.  Brother Dakota Nelson  said, "I know no one makes it through life without some sort of event that is strenuous to the soul but I had not realized how much one can be happy even when the light is out and it is dark."  

Right now we have the opportunity to be Grandpa's light as he maneuvers through so much fear and confusion.  There will come a time when he will thank us for all we did to help him when he wasn't able to help himself.