Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Caregiver Tip
#25 It will never make sense
It is such a interesting experience to be able to take care of grandpa. As the decline continues I am often struck with how hard his life must be. He has such a hard time with the simplest of tasks and I do as well. Some examples are telling him to take off his shoes. His response is always the same. I don't have any shoes. I then say they are on your feet. I don't have any feet. And this happens every single night when I am helping him get ready for bed. Of course that is just one of many exchanges like that that we engage in every day. I often remind myself how awful this is for him. I know this because it is awful for me to see it happen. I wish there was a quick fix and sadly there isn't. The decline is more evident to me each day and in spite of doing everything I can think that may help grandpa the reality is that he won't be getting better or even have relief from his struggles until close to the end when he no longer communicates. Last week I was thinking about how grandpa is doing and in a moment an image came into my mind of Grandpa sitting in a wheel chair hunched over and totally non responsive. In that instant I saw what is ahead and I knew without a doubt that he would already be there if I wasn't able to take care of him. I challenge him each day because I want him to not quit trying. I ignore the continual pacing back and forth because that is exercise that he has to have to be mobile for as long as possible. I scolded him when he bit me as I was trying to help him eat his lunch because deep down he knows when he does something that isn't right and I am able to teach him things he may otherwise forget. I feel so sad for Grandpa when he says, "Elaine,Elaine I don't know what is the matter with me" because even when I could tell him it makes no sense. It makes no sense to him and actually it makes no sense to me!
It is such a interesting experience to be able to take care of grandpa. As the decline continues I am often struck with how hard his life must be. He has such a hard time with the simplest of tasks and I do as well. Some examples are telling him to take off his shoes. His response is always the same. I don't have any shoes. I then say they are on your feet. I don't have any feet. And this happens every single night when I am helping him get ready for bed. Of course that is just one of many exchanges like that that we engage in every day. I often remind myself how awful this is for him. I know this because it is awful for me to see it happen. I wish there was a quick fix and sadly there isn't. The decline is more evident to me each day and in spite of doing everything I can think that may help grandpa the reality is that he won't be getting better or even have relief from his struggles until close to the end when he no longer communicates. Last week I was thinking about how grandpa is doing and in a moment an image came into my mind of Grandpa sitting in a wheel chair hunched over and totally non responsive. In that instant I saw what is ahead and I knew without a doubt that he would already be there if I wasn't able to take care of him. I challenge him each day because I want him to not quit trying. I ignore the continual pacing back and forth because that is exercise that he has to have to be mobile for as long as possible. I scolded him when he bit me as I was trying to help him eat his lunch because deep down he knows when he does something that isn't right and I am able to teach him things he may otherwise forget. I feel so sad for Grandpa when he says, "Elaine,Elaine I don't know what is the matter with me" because even when I could tell him it makes no sense. It makes no sense to him and actually it makes no sense to me!
Saturday, April 27, 2019
At Last
President Nelson asked each member of the Church to read the Book of Mormon and I am proud albeit embarrassed to say I did it! I was doing really well and planned to be finished by Christmas but when I fell and broke my shoulder everything was put back. I have to admit that this particular reading has been exceptionally enlightening for me and I have loved reading it. I set out a time each evening after Grandpa goes to bed which has provided me with so much peace and has really helped me when I am so drained. Elder Richard G. Scott said, "As you dedicate time every day...to the study of God's word, peace will prevail in your life." I can honestly say that his promise has proven to be true for me. I have gained so much insight and direction. I have received answers to questions that I have been thinking about and I have experienced a wonderful sense of accomplishment because I have made this such an important part of my daily life.
3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.
3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.
4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. Moroni 10:3-4
I am so happy because I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I KNOW!! And now I will read the New Testament. I am so excited!
California!
Lincoln and Uncle Christian went to Solvang for a Datsun auto show. This was a dream come true for Lincoln as you can see by the smile on his face. I think he is one of the youngest Datsun owners there. This has been a great week for him. Not only did he get to participate in the show in California but he found out he made the advanced orchestra at his high school. He's on a roll!
Friday, April 26, 2019
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Caregiver Tip
#24 Keep it simple
We are at a stage in the disease where it is important to keep it simple. My goal from the beginning was to keep grandpa with me. That requires much physical effort on my part. Fortunately, I have the extra weight and grandpa is thin so I have so far been able to deal with whatever comes along. What I would have liked was to have him remain in clothes that he would have preferred to wear and shoes that tied before he got sick. But what we wish for and what often has to happen is not the same. One of the things I have actually appreciated in dealing with Alzheimer's is the fact that there is no memory, so there is no yearning. This makes change inconsequential to him. The other day I heard grandpa yelling, "come out! come out!" I found him in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. I had to explain to him that he was looking at himself and there wasn't someone there. A few days later I had combed his hair with him complaining the whole time. I told him to come and see how nice he looked. When I brought him to the mirror he looked at himself and asked, "Who is that?" So in spite of all the changes we are making it isn't as hard as I was worried it would be. No shirts to button, no pants to zip, no belt to buckle, and no shoes to tie. For me that means a quick dress with a minimal amount of time having grandpa yelling at me and I prefer that. I like the changes and as the warm weather continues to come on it makes me feel better that he is cool and believe or not--comfortable. Grandpa was always a person who I believed "over-thought" things and because of that he struggled making decisions about things happening in his life. In some ways the kindness of this mean disease is that he is never worried for long about anything. Even better is that when I have lost my temper and scolded him he doesn't seem to even be bothered by it. I may beat myself up that I wasn't kind enough but he just moves on. Isn't it interesting how we may lose one thing but gain another in the process. It is never the end and that is a simple truth!
We are at a stage in the disease where it is important to keep it simple. My goal from the beginning was to keep grandpa with me. That requires much physical effort on my part. Fortunately, I have the extra weight and grandpa is thin so I have so far been able to deal with whatever comes along. What I would have liked was to have him remain in clothes that he would have preferred to wear and shoes that tied before he got sick. But what we wish for and what often has to happen is not the same. One of the things I have actually appreciated in dealing with Alzheimer's is the fact that there is no memory, so there is no yearning. This makes change inconsequential to him. The other day I heard grandpa yelling, "come out! come out!" I found him in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. I had to explain to him that he was looking at himself and there wasn't someone there. A few days later I had combed his hair with him complaining the whole time. I told him to come and see how nice he looked. When I brought him to the mirror he looked at himself and asked, "Who is that?" So in spite of all the changes we are making it isn't as hard as I was worried it would be. No shirts to button, no pants to zip, no belt to buckle, and no shoes to tie. For me that means a quick dress with a minimal amount of time having grandpa yelling at me and I prefer that. I like the changes and as the warm weather continues to come on it makes me feel better that he is cool and believe or not--comfortable. Grandpa was always a person who I believed "over-thought" things and because of that he struggled making decisions about things happening in his life. In some ways the kindness of this mean disease is that he is never worried for long about anything. Even better is that when I have lost my temper and scolded him he doesn't seem to even be bothered by it. I may beat myself up that I wasn't kind enough but he just moves on. Isn't it interesting how we may lose one thing but gain another in the process. It is never the end and that is a simple truth!
Grandpa's New Clothes
Monday, April 22, 2019
Lego Discovery Center
For his birthday I was able to take Duncan to the Lego Discovery Center in Tempe. Duncan thought it was great and although pretty minimum compared to the real Legoland the kids that were there didn't seem to mind. Thanks to Aunt Amy for keeping grandpa while Duncan and I had a couple hours of fun!
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| Duncan's favorite ride |
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| Play area |
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| Legos of every size throughout |
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| A climbing activity area |
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| A picture next to one of his favorite character |
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| Amusement type rides |
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| 3-D Movie |
Easter Dinner
You can check Aunt Amy's blog to see more pictures of our Easter dinner. I just took two pictures before everyone got here. I don't do much cooking anymore but try to have the Whitney's over for special occasions. It was a very nice evening.
Sunday, April 21, 2019
Friday, April 19, 2019
Caregiver Tip
#23 Embrace tender mercies
I have had this thought on my mind for a long time and remembered a talk that was given by Elder David A. Bednar (Thanks Bill!) in the April 2005 General Conference. It was entitled The Tender Mercies of the Lord. In 1 Nephi 1:20 in the Book of Mormon we read, "But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance. It feels good to know that I and everyone else can be chosen, if we are willing to exercise faith and then experience tender mercies in our life. Elder Bednar said, "I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." I have been the recipient of so many tender mercies and those brief moments have buoyed me up again and again. I wanted to share one that occurred this week that will stay in my heart for a long time. As many of you know, mornings are difficult at best and sometimes I lay in bed giving myself a pep talk before I sit up, because I know exactly what will happen once I do. It has been a wonderful experience this week to walk out of the bedroom each morning and see Austin (our grandson-in-law) sitting at the kitchen table. Austin and Rachel and Katie and Bruce had come for a short visit. Austin is an early riser just like Grandpa was before he got sick. For a brief second each morning I looked to Austin and received a sweet smile. That smile did amazing things for me. It helped me remember what a productive person Grandpa always was. I remembered how he quietly went about his day getting ready for work, or for church, or for gardening in our yard. I remembered his quiet sweetness which I seldom experience any more. And that tender mercy was something I really needed right then..
Elder Bednar reminds us that "the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ." How grateful I have been of the Lord's timing in helping me move through this difficult process. How reassured I continually feel that I am not fighting this battle alone. I have people both on earth and in Heaven offering help and comfort. And knowing we are not alone means everything to me. Dear grandchildren life was never meant to be easy. Those struggles, whatever they may be, are a part of the process to build strength, give us courage, and teach us lessons that we would not understand without the challenges we face. Embrace them and embrace the tender mercies that often come in the process.
I have had this thought on my mind for a long time and remembered a talk that was given by Elder David A. Bednar (Thanks Bill!) in the April 2005 General Conference. It was entitled The Tender Mercies of the Lord. In 1 Nephi 1:20 in the Book of Mormon we read, "But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance. It feels good to know that I and everyone else can be chosen, if we are willing to exercise faith and then experience tender mercies in our life. Elder Bednar said, "I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." I have been the recipient of so many tender mercies and those brief moments have buoyed me up again and again. I wanted to share one that occurred this week that will stay in my heart for a long time. As many of you know, mornings are difficult at best and sometimes I lay in bed giving myself a pep talk before I sit up, because I know exactly what will happen once I do. It has been a wonderful experience this week to walk out of the bedroom each morning and see Austin (our grandson-in-law) sitting at the kitchen table. Austin and Rachel and Katie and Bruce had come for a short visit. Austin is an early riser just like Grandpa was before he got sick. For a brief second each morning I looked to Austin and received a sweet smile. That smile did amazing things for me. It helped me remember what a productive person Grandpa always was. I remembered how he quietly went about his day getting ready for work, or for church, or for gardening in our yard. I remembered his quiet sweetness which I seldom experience any more. And that tender mercy was something I really needed right then..
Elder Bednar reminds us that "the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ." How grateful I have been of the Lord's timing in helping me move through this difficult process. How reassured I continually feel that I am not fighting this battle alone. I have people both on earth and in Heaven offering help and comfort. And knowing we are not alone means everything to me. Dear grandchildren life was never meant to be easy. Those struggles, whatever they may be, are a part of the process to build strength, give us courage, and teach us lessons that we would not understand without the challenges we face. Embrace them and embrace the tender mercies that often come in the process.
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
MTC Bound!
The time has arrived and off our Ellis goes to serve his mission. I still remember how hard it was to say good-bye and I ache for them. What a wonderful reunion they will have in two years! Best wishes Grandson. Can't wait to hear about your mission experiences in the coming years.
Ellis's email is ellis.duncan@missionary.org
Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Audience Now-Participant Next
Practicing
Spring Vaca!
Monday, April 15, 2019
Company!
We had a wonderful houseful of people starting on Thursday when my brother David came and then on Friday Bill and Bev came. We all attended a funeral for one of our Danielson cousins. On Saturday evening Austin, Rachel, Bruce, and Katie came. David left Saturday evening and then Bill and Bev Sunday morning. They are headed north to visit with their family and then will spend two months in the mountains by Cedar City. Yesterday we enjoyed time with Aunt Amy and family and this morning we went to the Riparian Preserve. I hadn't been there for several years and was surprised how much had grown and how beautiful the area was. I was also surprised by the number of people who were enjoying the area. The only thing missing was Uncle Andy to tell me what the different birds were. It was a very nice way to start a new week!
Sunday, April 14, 2019
Sweet!
This weekend Jane was surprised by the girls in her Beehive class at church. They left chalk messages on the sidewalk by her front door. 
Caregiver Tip
#22 Know when to stop
An unknown person wrote, "In life, it's important to know when to stop arguing with people and simply let them be wrong." Whoever wrote that--knew me! I think of the progression of the disease and often look back on how hard I made it on myself because I couldn't accept what was happening. I guess I wanted to fight our way out of Alzheimer's. At this point it is obvious that it was a losing battle from the beginning. I remember saying to Grandpa when he was struggling at the beginning that he needed to try harder and not give up. In reality he had no idea what I meant and it was me that needed to accept what was happening. Lately I have thought about the feelings I had for the first two years after we got the "official" diagnosis. I don't think that until recently I realized how intense grief could be. But eventually the grief became manageable, the tears were not daily, the promptings became stronger, and the needed ability increased. That period of time became the defining moment I needed to let go and make our new challenge work. Believe it or not, I am so grateful that we ignored many of the symptoms because there was no turning back. Alzheimer's wasn't a disease that early detection would have given us a better prognosis. And for me the struggles were much more manageable because once I knew what was to be our new reality my peaks and valley moments of grief didn't drag on.
I have come to realize something I once read. "Grief never ends...but it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith...it is the price of love." I am lucky because for 48 years we paid the price of love so that now when Grandpa is struggling and lashing out I have memories that come to my mind that temper the sharpness of the moment and allow me to stop from lashing back. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "It is your reaction to adversity not the adversity itself, that determines how your life story will develop." Recently Grandpa was upset with something and he walked up to me and slammed his forehead into mine. It was so painful that I lost my temper with him. I told him to go away from me. In an instant I saw the shock on his face because he truly didn't know why I was upset with him. I was able to stop my anger and get control of the rage that I was feeling. Because I have learned how to do that, both Grandpa and I, are able to manage the disease that has taken so much from both of us.
I am surprised at how much I have had to learn to stop. Stop thinking that it would get easier. It actually gets harder but I know the truth of the story in the Book of Mormon about Alma and his people when they learned to cry to the Lord because of their afflictions. In Mosiah 24:12-15 it teaches, "And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon their shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." And so, I stop holding onto things that aren't making it easier. Switching to Depends changed everything for me. Buying shoes without laces and putting zippers, belts, and buttons away lightened the daily burden of getting him dressed and undressed. Letting him eat whatever he wanted and trying to cajole him into eating became less important and plying him with ice cream became a wonderful change. The list goes on and actually will continue to evolve as I work to make him and me more able to cope with the disease.
An unknown person wrote, "In life, it's important to know when to stop arguing with people and simply let them be wrong." Whoever wrote that--knew me! I think of the progression of the disease and often look back on how hard I made it on myself because I couldn't accept what was happening. I guess I wanted to fight our way out of Alzheimer's. At this point it is obvious that it was a losing battle from the beginning. I remember saying to Grandpa when he was struggling at the beginning that he needed to try harder and not give up. In reality he had no idea what I meant and it was me that needed to accept what was happening. Lately I have thought about the feelings I had for the first two years after we got the "official" diagnosis. I don't think that until recently I realized how intense grief could be. But eventually the grief became manageable, the tears were not daily, the promptings became stronger, and the needed ability increased. That period of time became the defining moment I needed to let go and make our new challenge work. Believe it or not, I am so grateful that we ignored many of the symptoms because there was no turning back. Alzheimer's wasn't a disease that early detection would have given us a better prognosis. And for me the struggles were much more manageable because once I knew what was to be our new reality my peaks and valley moments of grief didn't drag on.
I have come to realize something I once read. "Grief never ends...but it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith...it is the price of love." I am lucky because for 48 years we paid the price of love so that now when Grandpa is struggling and lashing out I have memories that come to my mind that temper the sharpness of the moment and allow me to stop from lashing back. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "It is your reaction to adversity not the adversity itself, that determines how your life story will develop." Recently Grandpa was upset with something and he walked up to me and slammed his forehead into mine. It was so painful that I lost my temper with him. I told him to go away from me. In an instant I saw the shock on his face because he truly didn't know why I was upset with him. I was able to stop my anger and get control of the rage that I was feeling. Because I have learned how to do that, both Grandpa and I, are able to manage the disease that has taken so much from both of us.
I am surprised at how much I have had to learn to stop. Stop thinking that it would get easier. It actually gets harder but I know the truth of the story in the Book of Mormon about Alma and his people when they learned to cry to the Lord because of their afflictions. In Mosiah 24:12-15 it teaches, "And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon their shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." And so, I stop holding onto things that aren't making it easier. Switching to Depends changed everything for me. Buying shoes without laces and putting zippers, belts, and buttons away lightened the daily burden of getting him dressed and undressed. Letting him eat whatever he wanted and trying to cajole him into eating became less important and plying him with ice cream became a wonderful change. The list goes on and actually will continue to evolve as I work to make him and me more able to cope with the disease.
Friday, April 12, 2019
Wow!
It must be in the genes! That little boy at the top of the rock climbing wall is Caleb. Perry, then Ellis, now Caleb. Ava's probably next! Obviously these grandkids of mine like to climb new heights. I know one things about each of them. The sky'sthe limit!
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
What Was I Thinking?
I had a project that I talked about earlier. I took all the doors down and repainted them and then replaced the hardware on each one. It was definitely labor intensive! Towards the end I have to admit that I was questioning my thought process! But actually once the last door was repainted and rehung I knew why I had done what I did. And I was glad that I didn't give up until the last door looked brand new.
I grew up hearing stories about my Grandpa Hickey. My mom adored him and although I was young when he died I have a few memories of how he made me feel when I visited him. We lived across the alley from their house and my mom would put me in a dress and fix my hair in braids and send me over to visit. I can remember knocking on the back door and my grandma would answer the door and bring me in the house. We'd then go into his room and she would lift me up onto the bed and we would talk for a few minutes. I did this a number of times before he passed away from pancreatic cancer. One of the favorite story I heard my mom tell many times was how my grandfather would rent a house that was in need of a great deal of repair. He would spend months planting grass, painting, and repairing things around the house. When the grass had grown, the house was freshly painted, and everything working the way it was suppose to, the owner would come and tell them that they would have to move because someone in their family needed a house to live in. Once they moved out a "for rent" sign went up in the front yard with a higher rent than my grandparents were paying. In spite of that my grandfather did it again at the next house they rented. The first house they actually bought was in the Alta Vista neighborhood just before my grandpa passed away.
I have come to understand my grandfather much better now. I didn't just rent a house. I wanted to rent a home. Making it a home requires me to clean it up, spruce it up, put all my knick-knacks on the shelf and my family pictures on the wall. It has to be a place that when I walk into I feel like I belong. I don't plan to buy again and so I suspect that this won't be the first place that I move into and then get busy making it nicer than we found it. I love that!
I think the most important thing that I hope you each get out of this is that no matter where you are or what you are doing--make sure that when you leave, that it is better than when you found it. My grandpa was a hard worker, a wonderful grandpa, and an inspiration to me. I hope that you each can remember the good things each of your grandparents have done and emulate some of those qualities. You have come from pioneer stock!
I grew up hearing stories about my Grandpa Hickey. My mom adored him and although I was young when he died I have a few memories of how he made me feel when I visited him. We lived across the alley from their house and my mom would put me in a dress and fix my hair in braids and send me over to visit. I can remember knocking on the back door and my grandma would answer the door and bring me in the house. We'd then go into his room and she would lift me up onto the bed and we would talk for a few minutes. I did this a number of times before he passed away from pancreatic cancer. One of the favorite story I heard my mom tell many times was how my grandfather would rent a house that was in need of a great deal of repair. He would spend months planting grass, painting, and repairing things around the house. When the grass had grown, the house was freshly painted, and everything working the way it was suppose to, the owner would come and tell them that they would have to move because someone in their family needed a house to live in. Once they moved out a "for rent" sign went up in the front yard with a higher rent than my grandparents were paying. In spite of that my grandfather did it again at the next house they rented. The first house they actually bought was in the Alta Vista neighborhood just before my grandpa passed away.
I have come to understand my grandfather much better now. I didn't just rent a house. I wanted to rent a home. Making it a home requires me to clean it up, spruce it up, put all my knick-knacks on the shelf and my family pictures on the wall. It has to be a place that when I walk into I feel like I belong. I don't plan to buy again and so I suspect that this won't be the first place that I move into and then get busy making it nicer than we found it. I love that!
I think the most important thing that I hope you each get out of this is that no matter where you are or what you are doing--make sure that when you leave, that it is better than when you found it. My grandpa was a hard worker, a wonderful grandpa, and an inspiration to me. I hope that you each can remember the good things each of your grandparents have done and emulate some of those qualities. You have come from pioneer stock!
Monday, April 8, 2019
Perry's Trip
Perry was able to come home and enjoy conference with his family before Ellis leaves for the Missionary Training Center. I think they were all very happy to be together even for a couple of days. He flew into Oakland and then they went to the Oakland temple to get some things at the distribution center for Ellis to take on his mission. They had some seafood at Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco afterwards. After dinner they did some of the tourist things and then on Saturday between sessions they emptied out their storage unit in preparation for their move next week. He flew back Sunday after the second session of conference and now he and Meg are getting ready for finals. By the way congratulations to Perry who was hired to work at the BYU farm in Spanish Fork. It sounds like a dream job for Perry and he will also be able to continue to work a little at his old job when he has extra time.
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| San Francisco |
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| Fisherman's Wharf |
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| What Video Games were! |
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| Click on this to see what Ellis's strength was! |
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| We will have to wait for two years before we see a family picture like this again! |
Update on Grandpa
Since we celebrated his birthday I will also update you on how Grandpa is doing. The big change now is that he no longer knows what to do when he has to use the bathroom. Because of that I think he fights relieving himself for much longer than he probably should. Although I have tried to help him he isn't always cooperative. When Sweet Grandma was in the Memory facility I would send them $80.00 a month for her Depends. I was sure they were taking advantage but now I understand how often change is required. If it is a good day he only requires one change but I am finding that often I will use at least four Depends in one day. I am so grateful that there is a product like this that keeps most of the damage in one place, but he requires a shower every day now to get him cleaned up after he has to use the bathroom. It isn't a particularly pleasant subject but it is our new reality. The interesting thing is that when he has had an accident he doesn't fight me when I have him get in the shower so I can clean him up. I have now gone from doing laundry once a week to having to do a load a day (I'm sure that doesn't garner much sympathy from you mom's who wish they only had one load a day!). I had to buy a rug for the toilet in the master bedroom. When we moved here I decided not to use one because it was a smelling mess, but when he does urinate now it is everywhere and when I was helping him the other day he slipped and almost fell and then I almost fell when I didn't realize the floor was wet. With the rug we have a better chance of not falling.
He is still loud and angry but it is in spurts instead of all day long which I am truly grateful for. It is interesting that even though I know he can't help himself, I am still worn out from the constant yelling. He is sleeping about 12 hours a night which is such a good thing for him and for me. Eating is mostly good and I am grateful for Dairy Queen. It is my go to place when he doesn't seem like he wants to eat much. Often at night we have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner and he sometimes has a hard time even eating a whole sandwich. Last week I took him to the barber shop and he did put on quite a show for everyone but the sweet young man who did the haircut persevered and got it done in record time. He did have to jump back a few times to keep from giving Grandpa a buzz when he got upset. He looks so much better and the people there were very nice about the whole thing. What comes next? I don't know but whatever it is we will get through it. I was thinking about a talk given in 2016 by Elder Robert D Hales. He talked about those of us who are caregivers. He said, "There is another special way disciples show their love for the Savior. Today I pay tribute to all who serve the Lord as caregivers. How the Lord loves you and in your quiet, unheralded service, you are following Him who promised, "Thy Father who seeth in secret, himself shall reward thee openly." He went on to say, "If you are suffering deeply, with others or alone, I urge you to let the Savior be your caregiver. Lean on His ample arm. Accept His assurance." Words like Elder Hale get me through each day. Thank each of you for the time to take to check on us. I couldn't do what I do without your words of encouragement. Thank you Amy for stepping in when I just need a few minutes to regroup. I love you all.
He is still loud and angry but it is in spurts instead of all day long which I am truly grateful for. It is interesting that even though I know he can't help himself, I am still worn out from the constant yelling. He is sleeping about 12 hours a night which is such a good thing for him and for me. Eating is mostly good and I am grateful for Dairy Queen. It is my go to place when he doesn't seem like he wants to eat much. Often at night we have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner and he sometimes has a hard time even eating a whole sandwich. Last week I took him to the barber shop and he did put on quite a show for everyone but the sweet young man who did the haircut persevered and got it done in record time. He did have to jump back a few times to keep from giving Grandpa a buzz when he got upset. He looks so much better and the people there were very nice about the whole thing. What comes next? I don't know but whatever it is we will get through it. I was thinking about a talk given in 2016 by Elder Robert D Hales. He talked about those of us who are caregivers. He said, "There is another special way disciples show their love for the Savior. Today I pay tribute to all who serve the Lord as caregivers. How the Lord loves you and in your quiet, unheralded service, you are following Him who promised, "Thy Father who seeth in secret, himself shall reward thee openly." He went on to say, "If you are suffering deeply, with others or alone, I urge you to let the Savior be your caregiver. Lean on His ample arm. Accept His assurance." Words like Elder Hale get me through each day. Thank each of you for the time to take to check on us. I couldn't do what I do without your words of encouragement. Thank you Amy for stepping in when I just need a few minutes to regroup. I love you all.
Happy Birthday Grandpa!
It was 72 years ago yesterday that this sweet man came to earth. He has been a blessing to me and our family in so many ways. His quirky ways have entertained me and his desire to accomplish much and to never give up have inspired me. Happy Birthday Grandpa!
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| BYU Homecoming 1970 |
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