Since the first of the year Grandpa has definitely struggled and I have seen a big decline occurring. I was working on the computer and I heard him talking to the mirror in our bathroom. It then got really quiet so I got up to check on him. I found him sound asleep. I have left him alone and realize that I may be up all night but I just didn't have the heart to make him get up.
Friday, January 31, 2020
Poor Grandpa!
Since the first of the year Grandpa has definitely struggled and I have seen a big decline occurring. I was working on the computer and I heard him talking to the mirror in our bathroom. It then got really quiet so I got up to check on him. I found him sound asleep. I have left him alone and realize that I may be up all night but I just didn't have the heart to make him get up.
Peter's Ice Skating Activity!
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| Some Racing |
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| Hot Chocolate |
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| Recognition! |
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Update on Will
Aunt Cathy sent the following update on Will. She gave me permission to share it with all of you. Keep Will in your prayers!
"Update on Will. We went to see Dr. Sharp, our family doctor this morning. Since Primary Children ruled out the heart issues that accompany pots, he thinks there is a good chance that William has Addison's disease. That would mean his adrenal gland is producing too little cortisol. We'll go to the hospital tomorrow morning for a blood draw. It would be great if it is Addison's because then they would bring his cortisol up to normal and all his symptoms go away. If it is not Addison's we will go to a neurologist or endocrinologist, whichever we choose to go to first. There are still other options of things it might be that they can fix. Or it could still be a dysautonomia."
"Update on Will. We went to see Dr. Sharp, our family doctor this morning. Since Primary Children ruled out the heart issues that accompany pots, he thinks there is a good chance that William has Addison's disease. That would mean his adrenal gland is producing too little cortisol. We'll go to the hospital tomorrow morning for a blood draw. It would be great if it is Addison's because then they would bring his cortisol up to normal and all his symptoms go away. If it is not Addison's we will go to a neurologist or endocrinologist, whichever we choose to go to first. There are still other options of things it might be that they can fix. Or it could still be a dysautonomia."
Monday, January 27, 2020
Ava's Latest!
Ava was called on Sunday to be the president of the 12-13 years old class in Young Women's. They are having a class this week on sculpting clay. In preparation Ava made this cute turtle to show the girls things they can do. Jane was also called to serve as her class president. Both wards have some pretty awesome, hardworking, and kind young women who will strengthen their wards program.Saturday, January 25, 2020
Monday, January 13, 2020
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Thursday, January 9, 2020
Caregiver Tip
#33 Say Thank You!
I loved this quote by President Monson. "If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest virtues. Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." I have had so much to be grateful for through this process and so many people who have lightened the load that I have chosen to carry. I am continually reminded that there are so many good people in the world in spite of the evil that exists and sometimes dominates.
First let me tell you about the barber. The first time I took Grandpa it was pretty chaotic as he thrashed about protesting loudly that he didn't like the experience. As I left with a handsome haircut on Grandpa the owner followed me out and told me his daughter worked with people who had memory loss and gave me her card. He encouraged me to make contact with her. I did and she came over and spent well over an hour going through the process that was coming and giving me ideas and encouragement. She left me with a list of programs that provide in home-care and even highlighted her favorites and the prices they charged. She refused any money that I offered and told me her dad raised her to help whenever she could. Next is Catherine who worked at the registers in Hobby Lobby. The first time we went through her line she introduced herself and asked our names. I told her and then she said, "from now on you will always be called by your first name when I see you." And that is exactly what happened. When she saw us she always called out hello Scott--hello Elaine! She later told me that her Father had had Alzheimer's disease. Hobby Lobby became my base for making friends. So many kind people have been hired to work at the store that we shop at. They are always excited to see us and we catch up on each visit. One of those ladies has a mother with Dementia and her father is taking care of her so we always have many notes to compare. Because I am able to get Grandpa to eat the best when we are in the car we go to several places to have a little variety in our fast food diet. I love the people at the window who take a second to tell him hello (in spite of his loud protesting!) They acknowledge him and encourage me to never feel like I need to apologize. There is an employee at the McDonald's we go to who use to work at a care facility and she is wonderful with dad. When I broke my shoulder the physical therapist was such a good listener that I was sorry when it was time to stop going. Her father-in-law had just been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and she shared the struggles her mother-in-law was dealing with. Just recently I was in Walmart. I usually go through the self checkout because we aren't in close proximity of others. This time I had more than I could handle and so I got in line which had several people in front of us with baskets full as well. I just knew that it was not going to end well. All of the sudden a sweet employee came to me and told me to follow her. She took me to the express line and checked us out without a word. I was so grateful that she did that and was thankful no one came in behind us to scold me for having to many items! The list goes on and on and I haven't even mentioned wonderful friends who keep in contact and family who continually encourages and supports us through this process.
I read on Pinterest this quote. "Never regret a day in your life. Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience, worst days give you lessons, and best days give you memory." Since this illness became a part of our lives I have had happiness, experience, and lessons. But the most wonderful thing I have been given is kind memories. Thank you all who have been a part of this process so that the sweet has far outweighed the bitter. Thank you!
I loved this quote by President Monson. "If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest virtues. Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." I have had so much to be grateful for through this process and so many people who have lightened the load that I have chosen to carry. I am continually reminded that there are so many good people in the world in spite of the evil that exists and sometimes dominates.
First let me tell you about the barber. The first time I took Grandpa it was pretty chaotic as he thrashed about protesting loudly that he didn't like the experience. As I left with a handsome haircut on Grandpa the owner followed me out and told me his daughter worked with people who had memory loss and gave me her card. He encouraged me to make contact with her. I did and she came over and spent well over an hour going through the process that was coming and giving me ideas and encouragement. She left me with a list of programs that provide in home-care and even highlighted her favorites and the prices they charged. She refused any money that I offered and told me her dad raised her to help whenever she could. Next is Catherine who worked at the registers in Hobby Lobby. The first time we went through her line she introduced herself and asked our names. I told her and then she said, "from now on you will always be called by your first name when I see you." And that is exactly what happened. When she saw us she always called out hello Scott--hello Elaine! She later told me that her Father had had Alzheimer's disease. Hobby Lobby became my base for making friends. So many kind people have been hired to work at the store that we shop at. They are always excited to see us and we catch up on each visit. One of those ladies has a mother with Dementia and her father is taking care of her so we always have many notes to compare. Because I am able to get Grandpa to eat the best when we are in the car we go to several places to have a little variety in our fast food diet. I love the people at the window who take a second to tell him hello (in spite of his loud protesting!) They acknowledge him and encourage me to never feel like I need to apologize. There is an employee at the McDonald's we go to who use to work at a care facility and she is wonderful with dad. When I broke my shoulder the physical therapist was such a good listener that I was sorry when it was time to stop going. Her father-in-law had just been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and she shared the struggles her mother-in-law was dealing with. Just recently I was in Walmart. I usually go through the self checkout because we aren't in close proximity of others. This time I had more than I could handle and so I got in line which had several people in front of us with baskets full as well. I just knew that it was not going to end well. All of the sudden a sweet employee came to me and told me to follow her. She took me to the express line and checked us out without a word. I was so grateful that she did that and was thankful no one came in behind us to scold me for having to many items! The list goes on and on and I haven't even mentioned wonderful friends who keep in contact and family who continually encourages and supports us through this process.
I read on Pinterest this quote. "Never regret a day in your life. Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience, worst days give you lessons, and best days give you memory." Since this illness became a part of our lives I have had happiness, experience, and lessons. But the most wonderful thing I have been given is kind memories. Thank you all who have been a part of this process so that the sweet has far outweighed the bitter. Thank you!
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
Caregiver Tip
#32 Some Things to Think About
There are a couple of things I wanted to address related to Grandpa's disease that I hope will give some perspective that you may not have thought about.
Grandpa is not a child. He is an almost 73 year old man who spent his whole life working hard, doing his best, and providing love and support to his family. Grandpa was very shy and sometimes awkward in dealing with people. He lacked self-confidence but never ran away from his responsibilities. When he was called to serve as a Bishop he was overwhelmed by the calling and shared with me his fear he would let others down. I remember once after he finished reading his scriptures he came to me and shared the following verse in Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon. (And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness, I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.) His confidence grew from that promise. Now Grandpa struggles with the simplest of tasks. He is losing strength on a daily basis. He no longer recognizes the people he loved the most. He is scared and vulnerable. He says things he would have never had even thought before. In those ways he is "like a child" but the difference is big--he won't eventually learn how to do things again.
I'm not a Caregiver--I'm his wife. I don't want to be known as Grandpa's caregiver. I want you to remember that I am Grandpa's wife and I take care of him not out of obligation but out of love. One of the best things that happened to me was meeting, falling in love, and marrying him. In my life with him I never had to worry about where he was, who he was with, or if he'd leave. Grandpa was 100% from the first to the last. I was never afraid of him in any way and I always knew that he loved me unconditionally. So I stand by him each and every day and feel honored to be able to take care of him. I care for Grandpa because of no obligation. I care for Grandpa because of love.
There are a couple of things I wanted to address related to Grandpa's disease that I hope will give some perspective that you may not have thought about.
Grandpa is not a child. He is an almost 73 year old man who spent his whole life working hard, doing his best, and providing love and support to his family. Grandpa was very shy and sometimes awkward in dealing with people. He lacked self-confidence but never ran away from his responsibilities. When he was called to serve as a Bishop he was overwhelmed by the calling and shared with me his fear he would let others down. I remember once after he finished reading his scriptures he came to me and shared the following verse in Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon. (And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness, I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.) His confidence grew from that promise. Now Grandpa struggles with the simplest of tasks. He is losing strength on a daily basis. He no longer recognizes the people he loved the most. He is scared and vulnerable. He says things he would have never had even thought before. In those ways he is "like a child" but the difference is big--he won't eventually learn how to do things again.
I'm not a Caregiver--I'm his wife. I don't want to be known as Grandpa's caregiver. I want you to remember that I am Grandpa's wife and I take care of him not out of obligation but out of love. One of the best things that happened to me was meeting, falling in love, and marrying him. In my life with him I never had to worry about where he was, who he was with, or if he'd leave. Grandpa was 100% from the first to the last. I was never afraid of him in any way and I always knew that he loved me unconditionally. So I stand by him each and every day and feel honored to be able to take care of him. I care for Grandpa because of no obligation. I care for Grandpa because of love.
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Goodbye Elder Whitney!
One of the hardest but most gratifying things we do when we send a child to serve as a missionary. Praying for you Lincoln!
Caregiver Tip
#31 Crying
Most of you who know me know that I am a cryer. Teasing my mom about how easy her tears fell when we were kids has come back to haunt me. The difference between my mom and me is that when she cried her shoulders went up and down so there was no hiding it! My shoulders stay still but the tears flow generously. Because of that I hate certain things about taking care of Grandpa. Going to the doctor is one of them. The minute we walk in to the office my eyes tear up and I fight to hold them back. I've thought so much about why that is and I realized that the minute we walk in I am reminded that Grandpa isn't there to get better. And that always makes me sad. On our first visit to the neurologist here in Arizona Grandpa was in rare form and for a while I thought I was going to have to tackle him to calm him down. When the doctor came in he professionally scolded Grandpa who immediately settled down! We went through the whole situation and he as everyone else who has given care to Grandpa explained what "comfort care" was. I started to cry and the doctor asked if I was okay and was being a caregiver too much for me. I became a little defensive and said, "I'm not crying because I am overwhelmed, I'm crying because I'm sad!" And I am sad, but not unhappy. It's interesting because sometimes in my prayers I ask Heavenly Father to please don't make him live this way for very long. And then when he sleeps late I panic that he is gone.
I read an excellent article in LDS Living by Julieann Selden--Jesus Wept, And So Can I: Why we need to realize we don't always have to be happy. She wrote that when her husband was 28 he was diagnosed with Sarcoma cancer. She talked about the grief she felt and concern that her faith wasn't strong enough. She shared the following: "Then I thought about the life of my Savior. The shortest scripture became one of the most powerful: Jesus wept. When Lazarus died, Jesus didn’t smile, bring a casserole, and dismiss everyone’s worries. He wept. He didn’t tell Mary and Martha that if they were just stronger or more faithful, they wouldn’t feel sorrow. He cried with them. Of course He knew that death was temporary, but He didn’t push aside emotions. He felt deep sadness. After the death of His friend, He had good reason to cry, and He didn’t feel any guilt about it. Jesus Christ experienced a wide range of emotions. He felt frustration when His temple was abused and disappointment when people didn’t believe His teachings. He felt heartbroken when He was betrayed and discouraged when His apostles lacked faith. He felt intense pain, both physical and emotional. He even pleaded for relief from the agony of the Atonement. Yet for some reason, we are tempted to think we should always be happy. We expect to face trials with eagerness and beam with joy through pain and sickness. We label ourselves weak when we break from our jovial disposition. It’s not fair to put that expectation on ourselves! Our responses to trials don’t have to match anyone else’s or fit in a neat little box. We can embrace our emotions, even the difficult ones, for they truly facilitate growth. Sadness can lead us to empathy. Frustration can lead us to stand for the right. Uneasiness can lead us to prayer. And heartache can lead us to Christ." She concluded with the following thoughts. "As I look at my tear-stained face in the mirror, I realize that I am doing it right. It’s okay that I’m devastated that my husband has cancer. It’s okay that I’m concerned about our future. It’s okay that I feel frustrated when his medications don’t work or disappointed when holidays are spent in the hospital. It’s okay that we cry together as I spoon-feed him jello and wrap his body with bandages. It’s okay that we plead with God to take this cup from us if it aligns with His will. None of this means that we lack faith. If Christ’s tears inspired many, so can mine. His heart ached to see His loved ones suffer, just like my heart aches when my husband moans in pain from his hospital bed. Christ probably hated leprosy as much as I hate cancer. The scriptures never say Christ smiled in the face of agonizing trials. Some days I’m the first to smile and laugh in the hospital waiting room, but other days I remind myself that Jesus wept, and it’s okay if I do too. By facing my feelings head on, I am finding true joy. I no longer criticize myself for emotional responses to difficult situations. I no longer expect myself to always be positive and cheerful, regardless of painful circumstances. I am using my experiences and emotions to lift others through understanding and empathy. My pain, heartache, sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and disappointment are helping me learn, grow, and support the people around me. Because Jesus Christ allowed himself to feel emotions deeply, I know that I can too."
I love this young woman who shared her thoughts and inspiration about her grief. I am a cryer and it's okay. I have loved your Grandpa for almost 50 years. When he hurts, I hurt. When he can hardly stand up I want to hold him up. When he asks "what is wrong with me?" I cry because it makes no sense to him or to me. But in spite of that I can also smile, find joy in little moments we have and express gratitude for another day together!
Most of you who know me know that I am a cryer. Teasing my mom about how easy her tears fell when we were kids has come back to haunt me. The difference between my mom and me is that when she cried her shoulders went up and down so there was no hiding it! My shoulders stay still but the tears flow generously. Because of that I hate certain things about taking care of Grandpa. Going to the doctor is one of them. The minute we walk in to the office my eyes tear up and I fight to hold them back. I've thought so much about why that is and I realized that the minute we walk in I am reminded that Grandpa isn't there to get better. And that always makes me sad. On our first visit to the neurologist here in Arizona Grandpa was in rare form and for a while I thought I was going to have to tackle him to calm him down. When the doctor came in he professionally scolded Grandpa who immediately settled down! We went through the whole situation and he as everyone else who has given care to Grandpa explained what "comfort care" was. I started to cry and the doctor asked if I was okay and was being a caregiver too much for me. I became a little defensive and said, "I'm not crying because I am overwhelmed, I'm crying because I'm sad!" And I am sad, but not unhappy. It's interesting because sometimes in my prayers I ask Heavenly Father to please don't make him live this way for very long. And then when he sleeps late I panic that he is gone.
I read an excellent article in LDS Living by Julieann Selden--Jesus Wept, And So Can I: Why we need to realize we don't always have to be happy. She wrote that when her husband was 28 he was diagnosed with Sarcoma cancer. She talked about the grief she felt and concern that her faith wasn't strong enough. She shared the following: "Then I thought about the life of my Savior. The shortest scripture became one of the most powerful: Jesus wept. When Lazarus died, Jesus didn’t smile, bring a casserole, and dismiss everyone’s worries. He wept. He didn’t tell Mary and Martha that if they were just stronger or more faithful, they wouldn’t feel sorrow. He cried with them. Of course He knew that death was temporary, but He didn’t push aside emotions. He felt deep sadness. After the death of His friend, He had good reason to cry, and He didn’t feel any guilt about it. Jesus Christ experienced a wide range of emotions. He felt frustration when His temple was abused and disappointment when people didn’t believe His teachings. He felt heartbroken when He was betrayed and discouraged when His apostles lacked faith. He felt intense pain, both physical and emotional. He even pleaded for relief from the agony of the Atonement. Yet for some reason, we are tempted to think we should always be happy. We expect to face trials with eagerness and beam with joy through pain and sickness. We label ourselves weak when we break from our jovial disposition. It’s not fair to put that expectation on ourselves! Our responses to trials don’t have to match anyone else’s or fit in a neat little box. We can embrace our emotions, even the difficult ones, for they truly facilitate growth. Sadness can lead us to empathy. Frustration can lead us to stand for the right. Uneasiness can lead us to prayer. And heartache can lead us to Christ." She concluded with the following thoughts. "As I look at my tear-stained face in the mirror, I realize that I am doing it right. It’s okay that I’m devastated that my husband has cancer. It’s okay that I’m concerned about our future. It’s okay that I feel frustrated when his medications don’t work or disappointed when holidays are spent in the hospital. It’s okay that we cry together as I spoon-feed him jello and wrap his body with bandages. It’s okay that we plead with God to take this cup from us if it aligns with His will. None of this means that we lack faith. If Christ’s tears inspired many, so can mine. His heart ached to see His loved ones suffer, just like my heart aches when my husband moans in pain from his hospital bed. Christ probably hated leprosy as much as I hate cancer. The scriptures never say Christ smiled in the face of agonizing trials. Some days I’m the first to smile and laugh in the hospital waiting room, but other days I remind myself that Jesus wept, and it’s okay if I do too. By facing my feelings head on, I am finding true joy. I no longer criticize myself for emotional responses to difficult situations. I no longer expect myself to always be positive and cheerful, regardless of painful circumstances. I am using my experiences and emotions to lift others through understanding and empathy. My pain, heartache, sadness, anger, frustration, worry, and disappointment are helping me learn, grow, and support the people around me. Because Jesus Christ allowed himself to feel emotions deeply, I know that I can too."
I love this young woman who shared her thoughts and inspiration about her grief. I am a cryer and it's okay. I have loved your Grandpa for almost 50 years. When he hurts, I hurt. When he can hardly stand up I want to hold him up. When he asks "what is wrong with me?" I cry because it makes no sense to him or to me. But in spite of that I can also smile, find joy in little moments we have and express gratitude for another day together!
Monday, January 6, 2020
Caregiver Tip
#30 You Can't Live on Love...
...but you can on M&M's! One of the interesting aspects of Alzheimer's on Grandpa is he has become a very picky eater. Totally different than he was before. Except on "fast Sunday" each month Grandpa had three meals a day and they were basically at the same time each day. If it was noon you could know that he was sitting somewhere eating his lunch. Dinner time was ideally at 5:30 and breakfast was within 10 minutes after he showered and shaved and got dressed. He wasn't a snacker and sweets were for special occasions like birthdays. I use to envy his self control because my diet was always--see food, eat food! The first thing I noticed after the illness was in full swing was that he suddenly hated potatoes. Don't give him a french fry or he might throw it at you. A baked potato with butter, sour cream and salt and pepper would remain untouched on his plate. Potato chips--absolutely not. I still offer a spoonful of mashed potatoes and gravy or one of his favorites "funeral potatoes" but a spoonful is the limit. In the last year he has very little appetite and I spend a good deal of time trying to find something he will actually eat. And of course I discovered that anything sweet was made for him. I continually ply him with ice cream, sundaes, milkshakes, and DQ Blizzards. The real discovery came when I bought a ceramic canister to sit on the table by the couch. I put some peanut M&Ms in it for when company came. One day he opened the lid and from that time on he thrives on peanut M&Ms! In a week he can down a Costco canister of them. At a recent doctor's appointment I told the doctor about this and his response was--let him have all he wants! And so each morning I put a handful of M&M's in the canister and throughout the morning he eats them. Some times he carries the empty canister around until I pay attention and refill it.
In all honesty he has days where he eats a good breakfast and other times where he will drink his juice, take a couple of bites of cereal and one or two bites of his toast and that is it. Each day I take him out to lunch where he eats his best. I think it is because he can't escape. Dinner is literally a meal I could cut out and he wouldn't even notice but I always try anything that may work and appreciate it when it does. The last time Grandpa was on a scale he weighed just under 130 lbs. I think with the M&Ms that is holding steady.
I found this quote and I think it does describe why Grandpa eats the way he does.
...but you can on M&M's! One of the interesting aspects of Alzheimer's on Grandpa is he has become a very picky eater. Totally different than he was before. Except on "fast Sunday" each month Grandpa had three meals a day and they were basically at the same time each day. If it was noon you could know that he was sitting somewhere eating his lunch. Dinner time was ideally at 5:30 and breakfast was within 10 minutes after he showered and shaved and got dressed. He wasn't a snacker and sweets were for special occasions like birthdays. I use to envy his self control because my diet was always--see food, eat food! The first thing I noticed after the illness was in full swing was that he suddenly hated potatoes. Don't give him a french fry or he might throw it at you. A baked potato with butter, sour cream and salt and pepper would remain untouched on his plate. Potato chips--absolutely not. I still offer a spoonful of mashed potatoes and gravy or one of his favorites "funeral potatoes" but a spoonful is the limit. In the last year he has very little appetite and I spend a good deal of time trying to find something he will actually eat. And of course I discovered that anything sweet was made for him. I continually ply him with ice cream, sundaes, milkshakes, and DQ Blizzards. The real discovery came when I bought a ceramic canister to sit on the table by the couch. I put some peanut M&Ms in it for when company came. One day he opened the lid and from that time on he thrives on peanut M&Ms! In a week he can down a Costco canister of them. At a recent doctor's appointment I told the doctor about this and his response was--let him have all he wants! And so each morning I put a handful of M&M's in the canister and throughout the morning he eats them. Some times he carries the empty canister around until I pay attention and refill it.
In all honesty he has days where he eats a good breakfast and other times where he will drink his juice, take a couple of bites of cereal and one or two bites of his toast and that is it. Each day I take him out to lunch where he eats his best. I think it is because he can't escape. Dinner is literally a meal I could cut out and he wouldn't even notice but I always try anything that may work and appreciate it when it does. The last time Grandpa was on a scale he weighed just under 130 lbs. I think with the M&Ms that is holding steady.
I found this quote and I think it does describe why Grandpa eats the way he does.
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts!
Sunday, January 5, 2020
Caregiver Tip
#29 Do Something--Part 2
The reality of Alzheimer's is that it is a long albeit painful process and it is never a good idea to sit and wait for the next shoe to drop. Grandpa had had Alzheimer's disease for at least three or four years before we went on our mission. When I quit pretending that he was always "absent-minded" and went to the doctor he was already in the moderate stages of the disease. That basically meant that it wasn't safe to leave him alone for very long. After about six months into the diagnosis he couldn't be left alone at all and so I had to stop taking morning walks with a friend. That isolation from someone who I could have a conversation with was ended unless we had visitors. I also learned that for Grandpa a routine was very important and in reality it was for me as well. When we moved to Arizona the routine was in place but I wasn't feeling confident that I was doing what was best for me as well as for Grandpa. I loved a talk I heard in the October 2018 General Conference by Sister Christina Franco entitled, "The Joy of Unselfish Service." In it she quoted President Thomas S. Monson, who said, "perhaps when we make face-to-face contact with our Maker, we will not be asked, 'How many positions did you hold?' but rather, 'How many people did you help?' In reality, you can never love the Lord until you serve Him by serving His people."
I knew that I was serving Grandpa but I also knew that I should be serving others as well. I couldn't leave our home to offer service and visit others so I had to find other ways to do so. I had been indexing records for the Family Search program on occasion and so I decided I would actually schedule time each day and work on indexing or reviewing documents so people would be able to find links to ancestors. I then went to the website justserve.org and typed in the city I could give service in. I found an organization (Hushabye Baby) that provided care and treatment for newborns addicted to drugs at birth. I emailed and asked if they would be able to use baby quilts that I was making and they were happy to have them. Now I make the baby quilts and then and drop them off. I continue to keep each of your scrapbooks that I started when you were infants. This year I added making a missionary scrapbook for Ellis and now Lincoln so they will have pictures and their weekly emails all organized of their time as missionaries. I hope to be able to provide wedding scrapbooks as well when that time comes. I love making holidays special and thanks to Pinterest spend a good deal of time preparing everything so that when the Whitney's come for special occasions everything is perfect. I get great satisfaction as the little ones ooh and aah over the ideas! I have made a hundred mini bundt cakes, dozens and dozens of cookies and cupcakes and brownies for grandkids parties and church activities they are involved in. It has been a wonderful labor of love!
The point is--do something. I find that when I am working, Grandpa seems calmer which is good for both of us. It keeps me busy and not dwelling on the hardness of the task at hand. It helps me think of others instead of myself and I can know that my offering is acceptable to the Lord because I love serving the way he would want me to. Keith Hall wrote, "A life of significance is about serving those who need your gifts, your leadership, your purpose." I think in this process I have found the truth that "life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful!"
The reality of Alzheimer's is that it is a long albeit painful process and it is never a good idea to sit and wait for the next shoe to drop. Grandpa had had Alzheimer's disease for at least three or four years before we went on our mission. When I quit pretending that he was always "absent-minded" and went to the doctor he was already in the moderate stages of the disease. That basically meant that it wasn't safe to leave him alone for very long. After about six months into the diagnosis he couldn't be left alone at all and so I had to stop taking morning walks with a friend. That isolation from someone who I could have a conversation with was ended unless we had visitors. I also learned that for Grandpa a routine was very important and in reality it was for me as well. When we moved to Arizona the routine was in place but I wasn't feeling confident that I was doing what was best for me as well as for Grandpa. I loved a talk I heard in the October 2018 General Conference by Sister Christina Franco entitled, "The Joy of Unselfish Service." In it she quoted President Thomas S. Monson, who said, "perhaps when we make face-to-face contact with our Maker, we will not be asked, 'How many positions did you hold?' but rather, 'How many people did you help?' In reality, you can never love the Lord until you serve Him by serving His people."
I knew that I was serving Grandpa but I also knew that I should be serving others as well. I couldn't leave our home to offer service and visit others so I had to find other ways to do so. I had been indexing records for the Family Search program on occasion and so I decided I would actually schedule time each day and work on indexing or reviewing documents so people would be able to find links to ancestors. I then went to the website justserve.org and typed in the city I could give service in. I found an organization (Hushabye Baby) that provided care and treatment for newborns addicted to drugs at birth. I emailed and asked if they would be able to use baby quilts that I was making and they were happy to have them. Now I make the baby quilts and then and drop them off. I continue to keep each of your scrapbooks that I started when you were infants. This year I added making a missionary scrapbook for Ellis and now Lincoln so they will have pictures and their weekly emails all organized of their time as missionaries. I hope to be able to provide wedding scrapbooks as well when that time comes. I love making holidays special and thanks to Pinterest spend a good deal of time preparing everything so that when the Whitney's come for special occasions everything is perfect. I get great satisfaction as the little ones ooh and aah over the ideas! I have made a hundred mini bundt cakes, dozens and dozens of cookies and cupcakes and brownies for grandkids parties and church activities they are involved in. It has been a wonderful labor of love!
The point is--do something. I find that when I am working, Grandpa seems calmer which is good for both of us. It keeps me busy and not dwelling on the hardness of the task at hand. It helps me think of others instead of myself and I can know that my offering is acceptable to the Lord because I love serving the way he would want me to. Keith Hall wrote, "A life of significance is about serving those who need your gifts, your leadership, your purpose." I think in this process I have found the truth that "life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful!"
Saturday, January 4, 2020
Caregiver Tip
#28 Use Tools
I learned a hard lesson just over a year ago. We had moved to Arizona and because of the newness of everything Grandpa was having a hard time becoming oriented to his new surroundings. One evening I was building an Ikea bookshelf . There was packing papers and other items from the project on the floor. Half way through the project Grandpa yelled that he had to go to the bathroom. I jumped up and went towards him to take him. Unfortunately, I stepped on some papers on the floor and in an instant I was slammed to the ground. As I hit the floor I heard the bone break and knew that I was in trouble. I was in so much pain that I couldn't move. I knew I needed help and asked Grandpa to go to the counter and bring me my phone. His response was "what's a counter?" I was in such a position that I couldn't point it out for him so I laid on the floor praying for ideas. To add insult to injury a commercial came on the TV that starts, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" This experience was a huge reality check for me. It isn't just the person that you are taking care of but also the caregiver that can require help and with the lack of memory you may not be able to get the help that is needed. I ended up with the fire department and police department and an ambulance parked in front of our house once I was able to sit up and point to the counter so Grandpa could bring me my phone. (Just a side note: When he got to the counter I told him to bring me my phone. His response was "what's a phone?" Then I told him to bring me whatever he sees on the counter--first I got my diet Coke, then my wallet, and finally the phone!) As a result of this I researched and purchased a Medical Guardian system so that if I had an emergency I could get the help I needed. This year I returned the Medical Guardian and now have an Echo Dot in the living room, family room, our bedroom, and in the craftroom. Now if something happens I can say "Alexa, call 911" and talk to the dispatcher from any room that I am in. I also added a key lock box on our front door so that if I can't get to the door to open it I can give the code to the emergency personnel so they don't have to damage the door to enter. I talked earlier about keeping it simple and I have also found items that will add to the ease for giving Grandpa the care he needs. They have a shoe horn now that attaches to the back of the shoe so he can just slip his foot into the shoe without me having to struggle to get the heel on. I can't thank the maker of Depends enough. Grandpa has to be changed often through the day but now he isn't soaked and needing all new clothes each time. Always keep a supply of wet wipes on hand as well. I just purchased a hair cutting tool that works like a brush so I can trim his hair without him being aware that I am doing it. I also purchased a good quality razor to shave him with. When he does let me shave him I go as quick as I can and it works great for doing that. My brother brought me a wheelchair that fortunately I haven't needed yet but it will be here when I do. Because he is starting to struggle with swallowing the doctor gave me a liquid form of his seizure medication and another capsule that can be opened up and sprinkled on whatever he is eating. These may seem like little things but they have made all the difference.
I learned a hard lesson just over a year ago. We had moved to Arizona and because of the newness of everything Grandpa was having a hard time becoming oriented to his new surroundings. One evening I was building an Ikea bookshelf . There was packing papers and other items from the project on the floor. Half way through the project Grandpa yelled that he had to go to the bathroom. I jumped up and went towards him to take him. Unfortunately, I stepped on some papers on the floor and in an instant I was slammed to the ground. As I hit the floor I heard the bone break and knew that I was in trouble. I was in so much pain that I couldn't move. I knew I needed help and asked Grandpa to go to the counter and bring me my phone. His response was "what's a counter?" I was in such a position that I couldn't point it out for him so I laid on the floor praying for ideas. To add insult to injury a commercial came on the TV that starts, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" This experience was a huge reality check for me. It isn't just the person that you are taking care of but also the caregiver that can require help and with the lack of memory you may not be able to get the help that is needed. I ended up with the fire department and police department and an ambulance parked in front of our house once I was able to sit up and point to the counter so Grandpa could bring me my phone. (Just a side note: When he got to the counter I told him to bring me my phone. His response was "what's a phone?" Then I told him to bring me whatever he sees on the counter--first I got my diet Coke, then my wallet, and finally the phone!) As a result of this I researched and purchased a Medical Guardian system so that if I had an emergency I could get the help I needed. This year I returned the Medical Guardian and now have an Echo Dot in the living room, family room, our bedroom, and in the craftroom. Now if something happens I can say "Alexa, call 911" and talk to the dispatcher from any room that I am in. I also added a key lock box on our front door so that if I can't get to the door to open it I can give the code to the emergency personnel so they don't have to damage the door to enter. I talked earlier about keeping it simple and I have also found items that will add to the ease for giving Grandpa the care he needs. They have a shoe horn now that attaches to the back of the shoe so he can just slip his foot into the shoe without me having to struggle to get the heel on. I can't thank the maker of Depends enough. Grandpa has to be changed often through the day but now he isn't soaked and needing all new clothes each time. Always keep a supply of wet wipes on hand as well. I just purchased a hair cutting tool that works like a brush so I can trim his hair without him being aware that I am doing it. I also purchased a good quality razor to shave him with. When he does let me shave him I go as quick as I can and it works great for doing that. My brother brought me a wheelchair that fortunately I haven't needed yet but it will be here when I do. Because he is starting to struggle with swallowing the doctor gave me a liquid form of his seizure medication and another capsule that can be opened up and sprinkled on whatever he is eating. These may seem like little things but they have made all the difference.
Friday, January 3, 2020
Caregiver Tip
#27 Kindness Means Everything
I'd like to start this Caregiver tip with an experience I had several months ago. I had taken Grandpa to Hobby Lobby so I could get some material for a quilt I was making. I was looking at the material when I realized that Grandpa wasn't nearby. I then heard him say, "Elaine, Elaine" and turned around to see him talking to a lady who was looking at notions. I walked over to bring him back with me. I apologized to the lady and started to walk away. As we walked I said, "It looks like you found a new friend, partner." Before he could respond, the lady said loudly, "Yes he did!" That simple comment was the "Balm of Gilead" that I needed in that moment. Years ago Sister Chieko N. Okazaki said in a talk, "May we all deal kindly with one another, seeking in our lives the blessings of the Apostle Paul, that our "hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love."
The reality is that as a caregiver it is easy to be hard on yourself when they slip away, or yell throughout the store and nothing you say can quiet the outbursts. The worst is when he loudly broadcasts to those around us while we are waiting for a service or in line to check out that he hates me. It is never quiet and it doesn't stop with the one hate. I feel my face warm up as I see the looks on the peoples faces around me. Some are angry, some are scared, and some exude sympathy. This may sound funny but the tears come to my eyes when I see the sympathetic ones!
May I share some ideas of how to deal with taking someone in public who has memory loss. A) I always tell the clerks that are helping us that he has Alzheimer's. Often their response is to share a story of a member of their family who has dementia or Alzheimer's. B) When Grandpa escalates I always begin to talk very quietly and continually say "we're almost done." C) I try to get out early before he starts shutting down. You have to remember that a person with memory loss is in a constant state of confusion which is also fear. By early evening he can't process the easiest request and his physical body is exhausted, shaking, and in pain. I am adjusting our errands now and often ask Aunt Amy to watch Grandpa if I know I have something that will take more time than he can handle. D) If you see someone who obviously has a physical or emotional disability don't engage them unless they talk to you. I have noticed that often people try to talk him out of his frustrations and you can't. Because we go to Hobby Lobby quite often the clerks in the fabric department have taken a special interest in him and they joke with him and he looks forward to seeing "the ladies." They are careful to gauge his mood and act accordingly. E) Although Grandpa can't tell me he is hungry he can become very disoriented and if I look at the clock I realize that he is uncomfortable because he needs to eat. If we are out and about I will feed him just before we go into a store and then he handles his time there better.
In Primary you have all sung the song, Kindness Begins With Me. It says, "I want to be kind to everyone for that is right you see, So I say to myself, Remember this, Kindness begins with me." I hope sweet grandkids that if you have learned nothing else in this process of seeing your Grandpa decline that you remember that he was always there for you. He played, he read, he gardened, he walked and often many of you were there with him. Your kindness to him means everything to me and I hope that in your life you will seek out those who need a kind word or a sympathetic look. If you can be anything--be kind!
I'd like to start this Caregiver tip with an experience I had several months ago. I had taken Grandpa to Hobby Lobby so I could get some material for a quilt I was making. I was looking at the material when I realized that Grandpa wasn't nearby. I then heard him say, "Elaine, Elaine" and turned around to see him talking to a lady who was looking at notions. I walked over to bring him back with me. I apologized to the lady and started to walk away. As we walked I said, "It looks like you found a new friend, partner." Before he could respond, the lady said loudly, "Yes he did!" That simple comment was the "Balm of Gilead" that I needed in that moment. Years ago Sister Chieko N. Okazaki said in a talk, "May we all deal kindly with one another, seeking in our lives the blessings of the Apostle Paul, that our "hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love."
The reality is that as a caregiver it is easy to be hard on yourself when they slip away, or yell throughout the store and nothing you say can quiet the outbursts. The worst is when he loudly broadcasts to those around us while we are waiting for a service or in line to check out that he hates me. It is never quiet and it doesn't stop with the one hate. I feel my face warm up as I see the looks on the peoples faces around me. Some are angry, some are scared, and some exude sympathy. This may sound funny but the tears come to my eyes when I see the sympathetic ones!
May I share some ideas of how to deal with taking someone in public who has memory loss. A) I always tell the clerks that are helping us that he has Alzheimer's. Often their response is to share a story of a member of their family who has dementia or Alzheimer's. B) When Grandpa escalates I always begin to talk very quietly and continually say "we're almost done." C) I try to get out early before he starts shutting down. You have to remember that a person with memory loss is in a constant state of confusion which is also fear. By early evening he can't process the easiest request and his physical body is exhausted, shaking, and in pain. I am adjusting our errands now and often ask Aunt Amy to watch Grandpa if I know I have something that will take more time than he can handle. D) If you see someone who obviously has a physical or emotional disability don't engage them unless they talk to you. I have noticed that often people try to talk him out of his frustrations and you can't. Because we go to Hobby Lobby quite often the clerks in the fabric department have taken a special interest in him and they joke with him and he looks forward to seeing "the ladies." They are careful to gauge his mood and act accordingly. E) Although Grandpa can't tell me he is hungry he can become very disoriented and if I look at the clock I realize that he is uncomfortable because he needs to eat. If we are out and about I will feed him just before we go into a store and then he handles his time there better.
In Primary you have all sung the song, Kindness Begins With Me. It says, "I want to be kind to everyone for that is right you see, So I say to myself, Remember this, Kindness begins with me." I hope sweet grandkids that if you have learned nothing else in this process of seeing your Grandpa decline that you remember that he was always there for you. He played, he read, he gardened, he walked and often many of you were there with him. Your kindness to him means everything to me and I hope that in your life you will seek out those who need a kind word or a sympathetic look. If you can be anything--be kind!
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