Caregiver Tip

#16  It's okay to remember
As I have mentioned a number of times I read almost everything that I see about Alzheimer's.  I don't always agree with a lot of things because I live with it each day and realize that each person is an individual and their reactions and progress in the decline is different.  One thing I have definitely disagreed with is something I have read a number of times.  "Never say remember."  A part of me wants Grandpa to remember if only the smallest things.  As I interact with him each day I often encourage him to never forget that I love him.  I want him to see one of you and say, "I know you!"  Yesterday the Bishop came to our house to interview me for my temple recommend.  Grandpa sat next to me and as the Bishop asked the questions he responded to each question.  He had no idea what was happening but that wasn't important to me.  He knew what the answer should be.  I smiled as I thought of his typical response now to every question.  It is an adamant NO!  But not yesterday as he was firm in a positive response.  The Bishop said to him, "You've probably asked these questions many times and Grandpa replied, "yes I have."  That is enough for me.  Every once in a while there is a moment of clarity and asking him to remember gives him those brief moments.  

I get to remember as well.  I remember the first dance we had together over 48 years ago.  I remember the hiccups he got as we walked around the Mesa Temple where he had planned to propose but was so nervous.  I remember the parking lot of the church when he told me that we should be married because the song in Sacrament meeting said, 'mark how judgments pointing finger, justifies no vain delays.'  (Israel, Israel, God is Calling) I remember when each of your parents were born and your Grandpa was beside himself with joy.  I remember what a good father he was and once they started walking he was always close by just in case they fell.  I remember hearing him in their bedrooms reading books out loud to each of them.  And then each of you were born and he was in Grandpa mode from the beginning.  He would play with you, read to you, and talk to you about anything you wanted to talk about.  And the list goes on!  It is okay to remember.  In fact, it is important to remember!

We remember his love when he can no longer remember.   And that is good.