Caregiver Tip

#15  Don't hit a hornets nest or brush an alligators teeth.
After a particular trying day I moved this tip up on my list.  A person with Alzheimer's disease has a low threshold of calm and as the anxiety increases so does the feeling of hopelessness and fear.  It is painful to watch and at times can be dangerous if you don't learn quickly how to diffuse the situation.  Because of that I literally learn to choose my battles.  A couple of years ago, while in the moderate stage of Alzheimer's, Grandpa would get up two and three times a night and take a shower.  I have no idea why but it was just something he did.  From that he has gone from daily showers to now, once a week.  Why would I not shower him?  I am just not up to wrestling an alligator!  From the minutes the shower goes on he starts yelling that he doesn't want to take a shower.  In a shower that takes about five minutes (if I can keep him in that long) he is furious with me and I am soaking wet.  As he keeps trying to get out I am constantly worried that he will slip and fall and then we will both be in big trouble.  Eventually I will have a shower stool for him but that will come when he is much more docile.  Washing his hair is another story!!   If you think a shower is a challenge you should try getting him to brush his teeth.  I made the mistake once of trying to do it for him but now my theory is--let the cavities begin!  There is a reason that he hasn't had a hair cut for over four months and why I have shaved him twice since we moved to California.  Some Alzheimer patients become violent and the caregiver can be badly hurt.  I have had him grab me and shake me.  He has raised his fist but fortunately, he has never hit me and I don't intend to push him to the point that that would happen.  When he is at his wits end he picks something up and throws it down--don't worry, most of the time it is the pillows on the couch!

The only thing that Grandpa does well is get into bed.  The problem with that is he starts at about 4 p.m. pacing up and down the hallway like a caged tiger.  A couple of times I decided that I could at least put his pajamas on but believe me that wasn't a great idea.  Now I just continually redirect until the clock strikes 6 and we are off to the races!  So you can see that the message to be learned when you are dealing with a difficult situation is that you can't force it to go the way you want because it will most likely come back to bite you.  Instead you may need to decide how important it is to have your way and then--do something else!  I just read a quote on Facebook that said;  If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.  Letting Grandpa rest from anxiety makes it possible for me to not quit.