Caregiver Tip

#19  Being schooled
I'm a huge fan of NCIS if you haven't heard that before, and I'm with Gibbs when he says there are no coincidences.  I truly believe that much of what has happened in the last 20 years was a preparation for becoming a caregiver to Grandpa.  I am a realist now and I know that Grandpa has no idea who I am most of the time.  Sometimes when I leave him with Aunt Amy and come back I am just another person in his life but with no significant relationship.  I have to admit that I am nervous when I am away from him and although I know he is in very good hands I hurry so I can get back.  I guess the truth is that I want him to need me!  Being with sweet grandma the last two years of her life made it clear that she loved me but she thought I was her sister Erma and she always told everyone that when I came to see her.  I knew that if I didn't come back she would be okay but I couldn't stay away because she was still my mom and I loved her and was grateful that she loved her sister Erma.   

When Aunt Amy was having serious complications with her last pregnancies I was able to help out a great deal and I loved it.  I can remember driving back to California on a number of occasions and having to pull into the rest stop to take a short nap because I was so tired from a week of helping.  I remember on one particular occasion thinking to myself, "at least I know I can do hard things!"  I say that all the time.  While serving as missionaries in New Hampshire I realized that when "God calls he qualifies."  Because of that I was able to pick up everything we needed to know and help Grandpa especially the last three months when he couldn't keep pace.  When he slowed down I was able to speed up and our daily number of documents remained high to the last day.  I again have a perfect knowledge that I have been called and Heavenly Father is qualifying me to keep up the work that needs to be done to help Grandpa.  

There is so much information on the internet about dealing with Alzheimer's disease.  Much of it isn't what my experiences have been but I read it anyway, just in case there might be.  I have learned much more from casual comments made by others.  Your great Aunt Bev is wonderful to me and to Grandpa and she has given me more perspective than anyone I know.  I often think how much our family missed because we weren't closer to them.  While still living in California Grandpa was pretty obnoxious in a Pizza place where we were picking up a pizza.  I apologized to the man who was seeing Grandpa at his worst.  When we left the restaurant and I got him in the car the man came to the sidewalk in front of the car and motioned me to come.  I walked over and he told me his Father-in-law had Alzheimer's too.  He then put his arms around me and kissed my cheek and said, "You can do this."  I often repeat those words because at that moment nothing could have meant more to me that a quiet recognition of how hard this mean disease can be.  

Grandkids, each of you are being schooled for something.  You won't get it from a college education (but go to college!) but from the school of daily life.  Be aware of what is happening around you.  Look at each experience as a teaching moment to help you later in life.  Remember to remember and step up to any challenge that may come your way.  You got this--and so do I!