Update

It has been a while since I wrote about how your dad is doing.  I have hesitated for several reasons.  One,  he was having a really difficult time and two, we had a doctor appointment scheduled and I hoped to have some better information at that time.  For several weeks now his anxiety has risen quite a bit.  He was getting so upset that he was often screaming at me and a couple of times he grabbed me or got right up to my face and yelled.  A couple of times I was concerned that he would hit me but fortunately he has not done that.  We went to the doctor last Friday and it wasn't pretty.  He was yelling at me, at the doctor who hadn't come in yet, and then he would cry and pound on the examination table wanting to know why I wasn't helping him.  He kept walking to the door saying he was leaving but never did.  By the time the doctor got into the room (I think he intentionally stays out to hear how we interact with each other) your dad was pretty sullen.  After trying to talk to him and then talking with me he decided we should increase a particular medicine that he takes at bedtime to taking it in the morning as well.  Yesterday was the first day that we actually did that and, keeping my fingers crossed,  the change was amazing.  Not once did he lose his temper.  We took two drives instead of the typical three that we have been doing for the past month.  Bedtime was a simple procedure without him yelling at me because he didn't know why I wanted him to change his clothes.  Although he talked about going to bed about 4:30 he was fine when I explained that it was way to early and we would need to have some dinner before he even thought about going to bed.  Today was the same.  Calmer, sweeter, happier! 

At this time he is going to bed about 7:30 and is still asleep when I wake up at 7:30 in the morning.  He seldom wakes when I come to bed at 11 p.m.  I have to admit that has been a wonderful relief for me.  I am enjoying some time to myself and he is resting which I know that he needs.  He still takes his walk each morning and since the time he ran away from home (smile) he hasn't left the house without me.  Eating is a challenge still but I am trying different things to help him eat better.  He still loves his ice cream cone at McD's and loves sharing a diet coke with me each day.  He got to where he wouldn't eat any meat and it finally dawned on me that he didn't know how to cut it.  Now before I put his plate in front of him I cut the meat into smaller pieces and he eats every bit of it. 

On Tuesday I left dad with Angela (Thank you Angela!) and went to the doctor's office.  He wanted to see the medicines that he was taking so I took them in.  While there he wanted me to think about putting him into a facility but I firmly told him that isn't even up for discussion.  Yes, I get tired.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed.  But no one in a facility would ever take care of him the way I would want.  No one would love him like I do.  I think that the 46 years we have spent together should trump all of the worlds opinions about what should happen when someone you love is dealing with such a debilitating disease.  If the time ever came that he couldn't be at home then he and I will go together to an assisted care facility.  I pray that that doesn't happen!

Thank you all for the phone calls, the visits, and the support we both feel.  Each morning I talk to Amy on the phone.  Angela and Andy continually check in on us and stop by for visits.  Ben calls each week and Bill calls a couple of times a week.  Those are my lifeline and I truly love and appreciate all of you for your love and support.  I know dad would say the same thing if he was able.