Sunday, July 23, 2017

Special Guest

Last Sunday I had a wonderful afternoon when Carlene Ames Bridenthal, one of my wonderful Laurels when I served as Young Women's president, stopped by to visit us.  Over the years we have had opportunities to see each other and each time I was so touched to see the woman she has become.  She and Randy are now living in Wyoming where they are enjoying their four children and new granddaughter.  I have learned so much from Carlene about generosity, respect, kindness, and forgiveness.  She is the best and I love that she is my friend!

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The Difference

Betty Jane
 I remember when I was dealing with mom's memory loss someone asked me, "Is it Alzheimer's or Dementia?"  I said it was memory loss and I didn't know which one.  At the time I was a little annoyed and thought the question was insensitive.  Now that I am dealing with Scott's memory loss I would be able to explain the difference.  Mom's memory loss began in her mid to late 60's.  Scott's memory loss began in his early 60's although I think there were numerous times before that that he struggled with memory issues. When I talked to a doctor when mom went into the original assisted care facility she said to me,  "Your mother is in excellent health, do you understand what that means?"  I said I did and she repeated again, "Do you know what that means?"  A little annoyed I responded, "YES, it means she will live a long long time in a stupor of thought!"  Dementia wasn't the cause of her death she actually had a stroke and died as a result of that.  The dementia definitely played a part in her death but she could have lived much longer if that hadn't happened.  

With Alzheimer's the prognosis is 7 to 10 years from the start of the disease.  Although Scott wasn't diagnosed until last year I definitely saw the signs of early onset Alzheimer long before we went on our mission.  I think we were all surprised by how quickly he went from early onset to moderate stage Alzheimer's.  That was because I was hoping his issues were something other than what is actually turned out to be.  With mom's dementia she slowly shut down (much like depression) and then she slowly let her mind go back in time to when she was younger.  Everything was from when she was much younger.  Scott cannot go back in time.  We can drive by our old house, a school he worked at, city hall and they would mean nothing to him.  My mom lived in her past and for Scott there has become no past.  He thrives on order where my mom was very comfortable going with the flow.  She had a healthy appetite much of the time but one day said she didn't want to eat and didn't from February until she passed away in June.  Scott doesn't refuse to eat but he is continually eating less and less.  My mom loved food (especially Mexican food!) but Scott eats to survive.  If I didn't make sure he ate I don't think he would eat much at all.   Anything hot or spicy gets him really upset and once the food is sat in front of him he eats like a squirrel stuffing his cheeks.  He finished many times before I even sit down to eat with him.  

Mom slowly went to a safe place where she felt contentment.  Scott has no contentment.  He has no connection to anyone or anything.  I think I would describe what happens to him is like looking in the old kaleidoscope.  Remember how you would twist the end and the beautiful design would change.  For him as you twist, the picture slowly disappears as the circle gets smaller and smaller until there is just a dot. Alzheimer's disease will eventually take him away from me and the painful reality is that it is moving very quickly to that end.  

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Love This Perk

We have four pools in our community and in the summer we are allowed to bring our grandkids in to swim between 10 and 3 each day.  It is such a treat to be able to watch Caleb and Ava happily swimming while we enjoy the shade by the pool.

Enjoying the pool!

Time to finish up!

Monday, July 10, 2017


I haven't written much about dad's condition but lately I have seen a significant decline and wanted to give you an update on what has been happening.  The good news is that he can still tie a tie. That is good because when he can't any more I will have to buy a clip on!  Last week when Christian and Amy were here for a visit Christian spoke to him in German and he responded and knew what he said.  Those are the highs that I can focus on.  Sadly, I have experienced a significant decline in other areas.  Twice last week he didn't know who I was until I realized why he was struggling.  Once I asked him he admitted that he didn't know my name.  I told him I was Elaine his wife and he was so relieved.  I know he doesn't know other people but to forget me was a little disheartening!  At church he knows four people whenever he sees them.  Eddie Freeman who he home taught for many years, Dennis Christoffersen, Kent Christiansen, and Joe Andreasen. He still is good at covering when he doesn't know others and when I tell him who they are he always says, "I know that!"  He is sleeping better at night and I found that if I hide his dirty clothes that he wore the previous day he doesn't get dressed when he gets up in the middle of the night.  Lately I hear him in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower.  He turns on the shower, undresses, then turns off the shower and get redressed back into his pajamas.  It is good that he doesn't get in because I am afraid that he may either freeze himself or burn himself depending on how far he turns the knob.  He can shower with my help although he hates the water getting on his head but fortunately Andy put in a removable faucet head so I can pretty much get him clean even when he is trying to get away.  He does still shave but only once a week.  I know he would shave more if I reminded him each morning but I have decided that he looks pretty cool with a little 5 o'clock shadow!  I also found that if I brush my teeth when he is brushing his that he does a good job.  If I don't he is done in about 2 seconds.  He needs my help to get dressed in the morning and undressed in the evening.  His appetite was significantly decreased and his list of things that he doesn't like is growing.  Pickles!  Onions! Potatoes (in any form)!  Those are the biggies right now. He often takes one bite of something and says that he is done.  Most of the time he eats about half of whatever I give him.  I would cut the serving down but when I did that he still ate half so I quit doing that because I would like him to eat at much as is possible.  I think if I took him to Jack in the Box each day and got his green burger he would be very happy.  He doesn't like change and he doesn't want me out of his site.  If I go to the bathroom he stands by the door until I come out.  If I go into the kitchen he comes and stands beside me.  Several times when I have been at the computer behind where he sits he will think I am gone and walk down the hall looking for me as he mumbles, 'where is she."  Again he is relieved when he sees me.  There are other things but you probably get the gist of what is happening.  His anxiety his very high now and he tells me all the time that things are scaring him.  I came back from my walk this morning and the door from the garage was locked.  I knocked and he came and opened the door.  I joked, "are you trying to lock me out?"  He responded no but he had to keep the people out who keep coming in while I am gone.  Bless his heart he is struggling and sadly for me I just spend a good part of the day reassuring him that he is okay.  Routine means everything and although my friend couldn't walk last Thursday and Friday I left the house for about a half an hour so that he wouldn't be upset that things weren't right.  That is all for now.  Keep the prayers coming!

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Happy Fourth!

So excited that cousins got together for Independence Day in Utah.  Ellis spent the week at BYU in Provo participating in the SOAR program and so Andy and Angela and Caleb and Ava drove up to pick him up. They stayed with Bill and Cathy and I know Ava and Caleb and Will and Abby had a wonderful time playing together.  We didn't make sure our kids got to know their cousins and it is so wonderful for me to know that our children are correcting our error with their children.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

The Gingerboard Man!

While here for a visit Duncan brought a piece of cardboard that had hit the front of their car and stuck.  He told me he had always wanted to make a big person and would I help him.  I asked if he would be willing to make a big gingerbread boy and he was happy with that so we began.  I did the drawing, he did the adjusting he wanted, I cut it out and we both had to tape a part of the head back on.  Once he liked the look he got out markers and decorated it.  I got busy with something else and he went off with his new creation.  A few minutes later I noticed that the gingerbread man was in the fireplace.  I asked him why and he replied, "I'm cooking him in the oven!"  How could I argue with that.

I know every grandparent thinks this but the truth is--I have the smartest grandkids, the most clever grandkids, the sweetest grandkids, and the kindest grandkids, in the WORLD!!!


 Ava and I ventured into making Grahams' birthday cake this year because they were coming to California to visit.  The cake was a hit and Ava and I had a great time making our own fondant out of marshmallows and powdered sugar.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Selective Service Draft Records

I have been indexing the Selective Service information from World War II that was done in California.  It is some of the best information I have seen on any individual in all the indexing information I have put into the Family Search records.  In the Draft Registration information they list the name of the man enrolling, where he is living at the time he gave the information, where he was born, his age and his birth date.  He had to put the name of the person who would always know where to reach him and their relationship to him.  He also had to list the name of the company or business he was working at.  Included on the form was his height, weight, complexion, eye color, hair color, and then any scars or marks on his body (such as a tattoo).  If you have a relative who signed up for the draft in the 1940s you will soon be able see all the information that I have talked about.

It has been interesting to think about this collected information meant to so many families.  Did they actually get drafted, did they survive?  What horrendous things did they see during the various battles they may have been involved in. The ages of those I have indexed have been from 18 to 42.  Can you imagine being drafted when you were in your 40s with a family that you will leave behind?  Can you imagine the false bravado of these young 18 year olds sure that they would save the world but entered a frightening experience that they had not been prepared for.  I was touched by the number of young men who listed their grandmothers as the person who would always know where they were.  The sad ones were the those who didn't list anyone who would know where they were or who could be notified if something happened to them.. A number of men were born in other countries but were now American citizens and willing to fight for their new country.  I hope they all came home and continued living the lives they had envisioned before this terrible war changed everything.  Only their families will know the answer to that!

Monday, June 19, 2017

Elder Duncan

I have to share this.  Perry and his companion made a pinata for their zone conference.  His mission president and his wife are completing their three year assignment over the Kentucky Louisville Mission at the end of June so at their last zone conference Perry made this for him.  Love these missionaries!

Saturday, June 17, 2017


Although we have finished our regular cooking classes Ava and I have plans to get together on a regular basis and do some cooking.  I told her that she needed to decide what she wanted us to cook.  This time she wanted to make cheesecake so on Thursday we spent the day making four flavors of cheesecake.  It wasn't so much labor intensive as it was time intensive but the end results looked really good!
Blueberry Cheesecake

Toffee Cheesecake

Lemon Glazed with Fresh Berries

Samoa Cheesecake

We invited her family over for dinner and after a salad dinner we all tried out our creations.  Although I am not a big lover of cheesecake the end results were pretty tasty!


 The anxiety that Scott often feels makes me search for things that he can do.  After a trying afternoon I had an idea of bringing out the blocks in the playroom and I set them on the table and encouraged him to see what he could build.  It worked for about a half an hour and he intently picked out the blocks he would use and put together a creation.  The best part was that Angela and the kids stopped by for a few minutes and I said to Caleb, "you are just in time to see what Grandpa built."  He walked into the living-room and when he saw it he excitedly proclaimed, COOL!  I looked at Scott's face and he had a smile on his face.  I haven't been able to have him try again but it was a brief respite from his anxiety.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

I Love This Guy!

In spite of all the things that are happening with Scott's illness it seems that every day I am reminded how much I love him.  Because much of his memory is gone he often does interesting things.  He always says to me, "I need to do something!" and so I try to find little projects for him.  Like vacuuming which he was always the best at.  On Friday morning I was cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry, and just doing some general cleaning when he came and asked what he could do to help.  I mentioned that he could vacuum.  I then got the vacuum out and plugged it in and told him where I would like him to vacuum.  I then walked down the hallway to the bathroom but didn't hear the vacuum so I went back.  He was in the living-room just vacuuming away but hadn't turned it on.  Today I had a few mini oreo cookies in my hand and he asked what I was eating.  I replied that they were cookies and would he like some.  He said yes but not very many.  I gave him two.  Later as I was preparing dinner I opened the refrigerator door and on top of a pat of butter sat a tiny little oreo cookie all by itself!  When he said not to many-he meant it!  Another cute thing he does is each day he takes a walk a short distance and then back to a car.  Although I told him not to go off the sidewalk he gets to the spot where he is suppose to turn around and come back he walks down the slope and reaches up and embraces the brick cornerstone before coming back to the car.  I know as you read this you probably feel sad and that is okay because it is.  But in spite of that I love all the things he does in spite of the incredible obstacle that has been put in his way.  I have said it many times and I hope I will be able to say it many more time--he is so kind, and I love serving him because he is serving me with little snippets of joy each day.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Take a Moment

On Tuesday Andy and Angela received a text from a member of the church in Carrolton, Kentucky who had Perry and his companion over for dinner.  She wrote, "Had your son over tonight! You raised a wonderful young man! He is happy and well! He says hi!!"   I loved that she took a few minutes to express her thoughts about Perry and love that we were able to read it as well.  In a world that is so critical right now these little gestures of kindness are a wonderful gift and we should make it a point to recognize people around us who bless our lives in so many ways.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Memorial Day!

Memorial Day 2017--Thank you to the family that invited the missionaries to join them!

Friday, May 26, 2017


                          Almost a year old and very cute!  So grateful for being able  to see pictures of our grandkids  especially  now that we are staying pretty close to home and can't visit.  

Walking with Grandpa

I like to walk with Grandpa, his steps are short like mine. He doesn’t say, “Now hurry up.” He always takes his time. I like to walk with Grandpa, his eyes see things like mine; a birdie bright, a funny cloud, a penny that really shines. Most people are in a hurry, they do not stop and see; I’m glad that God made Grandpa unrushed, and almost as young as me.
 Author: Rodney O. Hurd
Today Caleb wanted to go with him on his walk and it touched my heart as I watched them walk to the wall as they held hands and Caleb  danced around and he and grandpa pointed out things to each other.  The walk takes less than a couple of minutes but I loved to see the smiles on their faces as they came back to the car.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Now I Get It

We are in the process of dealing with what is called "Sun-downers."  I did see signs of this earlier which meant that after dinner Scott was tired and had had enough.  At that time I made the decision that I would not plan anything that would take us away from home in the evenings.  In the information I have about this they describe the symptoms as: agitated, restless, irritable, confused, disoriented, demanding, and suspicious.  The first five I see daily but he isn't suspicious although I have heard that that can happen.  Some of the things that sun-downers do is yell (not yet--and I can't ever see him doing that), pace, hear or see things that aren't there (definitely is happening) and has mood swings.  The information I read said this is very common in moderate to advanced Alzheimer's.

A couple of hours in the evening was doable and it didn't really seem like a big deal.  The problem I am now having is that for the last week 2:00 in the afternoon has become the beginning of his sun-downers episodes and from that time until bed time he is almost beside himself.  It is painful to experience the agony he seems to experience and the worst part is that I have not found anything that helps.  His attention span is very short, watching television doesn't seem to make a difference now because he can't follow the story line.  I even asked him to color a picture for Ava and Caleb from some coloring books we have.  He did it but the minute he finished he was again pacing and complaining that he didn't know what was the matter with him and wanted to know why I wasn't helping him.  I don't have any answers and we will just keep doing what we are doing.  I sometimes feel that if I can just write it down I can set it aside and get back to dealing with whatever comes my way with a smile on my face.  I am watching it, but sweet Scott is living it and that is so much worse than my personal discomfort.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Order in Chaos

I have noticed that Scott has developed a habit of rearranging things after I give them to him.  I made his lunch on Sunday and then I walked away and came back to find that he had taken the apples off the plate and arranged them neatly on the napkin I had put by his lunch.  He does this each time he sits down to eat and it is interesting to see how he adjusts his area before he begins to eat.  I  guess that in his mind it is important to have everything make sense to him--but I have to admit it doesn't make any sense to me.  It is pretty cute though!

Friday, May 12, 2017

The Language of ALZ

My neighbor lost her husband over a year ago as the result of his Alzheimer's disease and she has been a wonderful support to me.  I was out washing windows this week and she was in her back yard working. We stopped a few minutes to visit and she told me a story about her husband.  She and her husband lived in Rancho Cucamonga and his stepdaughter had come from Idaho to visit her dad.  They were going to go somewhere and as they were driving her husband asked her, "Is the gun in there?" pointing to the glove box.  She replied that is was and he responded that he was glad.  Later his daughter scolded her and told her how irresponsible Diane was for having a gun around her dad.   Diane told her that she doesn't have a gun at all, her husband meant the flashlight that they keep in the glove box.  This made perfect sense to me because Scott has a few words that only I know what he is talking about.  An example is  "the green burger!"  That is a cheeseburger at Jack in the Box which he always wants when we go there.  He doesn't know what lettuce is any more so he just calls it the--green burger.  The bathroom is "that room around there" and when he want to put on his pajamas he grabs the front of his shirt and shakes it.  I have been trying to have him do a little exercising each day so I started taking him over to walk where I walk with my friend each morning. Now it is very important to him that I don't forget so about two each afternoon he starts asking me numerous! times if he gets to go to the "wall."  His feet are now "puppies!"  He is so sincere and concerned that I understand what he is trying to tell me so I am working hard to learn his new language.  Diane told me that eventually he will stop talking altogether so for now--I am savoring every word that comes out of his mouth.

Chef Ava

 For the last year Ava and I have been cooking together most Wednesdays.  She has proven herself to be a really competent cook and hopefully she will be able to say that she loves to cook when she is out on her own.  After all of her hard work I wanted to have a little promotion program and so yesterday I surprised her with a very mini promotion ceremony!  I hope that our cooking together continues and told her that it is now her turn to decide what we will be cooking in the coming years.  Oh how I wish all of our grandkids lived close enough so I could spent time with each of them in my kitchen!
Grandma's Chef Award

Some goodies to celebrate her achievement

Tuesday, April 25, 2017


Scott was sitting on the couch and about 10:30 in the morning he said his back was really hurting.  I didn't think much about it until after his nap when I heard him moaning in the bedroom and went in to check on him. He was laying on the floor in agony.  I tried to get him up but he was in such pain that no matter how we tried he just couldn't bear to be touched..  I finally called Angela and told her what happened and asked if she could come over and help me.  Fortunately she was just picking Ellis up from the bus stop so they came right over. Even with Ellis, Angela and me lifting him he continued to cry out in pain.  Ellis said that we needed to get him onto something that would make it possible to lift him on the bed.  He went down the hallway and came back with an iron board.  We were able to get that under him and with the three of us lifting we got him back onto the bed but left him on the iron board.   I then called his doctor who said that we would have to get him to urgent care before they could give him any medication for the pain.  The reality was that I would need to call 911 because only them helping us would make it possible to get the help that he was going to need.  We got to St. Mary's hospital at 4:30 and left at midnight.  Angela and I followed in the car.  After numerous tests, ex-rays and an MRI the answer was that he had a form of sciatica that would heal in time and there was nothing that they could do but give him muscle relaxants and Tylenol with codine to manage the pain.  After the medicine given in the hospital he was able to rest through the night.  When you add Alzheimer's to the mix you have a very confused man who doesn't understand why he can't get up and down, or last night why I wouldn't let him go home.  Hopefully this is a fluke and we won't have another problem like this in the near future.  I don't know what I would have done last night without Angela.  She never left us and did everything she could to help me distract dad.  I'm sure she saw and heard much more than she wanted to but she stuck with us until he was safely delivered back into his own bed.  

Monday, April 10, 2017


I smiled when I saw this picture with Perry and some of his fellow missionaries.  I especially loved it when I saw the picture on the wall behind them. Those four have grabbed some "good buds"!

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Monday, March 20, 2017

I Smiled Today

My last two posts have been pretty down and this morning I knelt in prayer and asked for the help I needed to see the good and feel capable of doing the work that is needed now to take care of Scott.  I almost daily pray that I can be kind and with Scott that is something that in the evening I can express gratitude because I did accomplish much to make Scott happy and comfortable.  This afternoon I was at the stove making spaghetti sauce for our dinner and all of the sudden I had this incredible feeling of joy--so much so that it made me smile.  I realized that I love taking care of my sweet husband and that even with the challenges I am never alone in accomplishing this task I have been given.  I know that in a minute I can pick up the phone and call any of my children or my friends and will receive instant comfort as I sense the love and concern they have for both of us.  But just as important I realized today that I received comfort from our Savior who understands and loves me even when I don't always love myself.  One of the great blessing we have is being able to serve others.  How blessed I am to serve my eternal sweetheart!

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Update for Banner Visit

I took Scott in for his 3 month appointment on Wednesday.  On the way to Arizona the Doctor's office called and asked us to come an hour earlier because he would need to retake all of the tests they gave him when we first started there.  The first time the doctor was surprised by how well he did and thought that he had something different than the Alzheimer's disease.  After the brain scan he said that the tests he had taken were an anomaly and that indeed he did have early onset Alzheimer's disease.  This time when he took the test he wasn't able to complete any of the tests correctly that he had previously been given.  When I came back into the room he looked so bad and told me that he "failed" everything.  I have seen a big decline the last few months so this wasn't a surprise to me.  I explained to him that what was important was that he tried. The Doctor we met with was really helpful and very encouraging.  After asking him and me numerous questions she said that his condition is now moderate and  although there isn't really a medication that will help improve his memory she gave us a good deal of information on what can be done to help him.  It is always interesting that when we leave I often feel good in spite of being told that reality is here and won't be improving.  Later in the evening Scott said, "I think that I am going to die."  At that moment I realized that although he doesn't always seem to realize what is happening he is aware that he isn't getting better.  I assured him that he isn't going anywhere soon and that I would be right by him to help him be safe and happy.  His response was, "oh good, thank you!"  From this point on they will give him the same battery of tests each time and we go back in September.

One problem that I want to mention was that he often chokes on water.  I talked to the Doctor about it and she brought out the tests and showed me something he had done.  This showed, she said, that the part of the brain that regulates swallowing is not reacting fast enough and when he drinks water the thorax doesn't close in time, hence his body reacts as if he is drowning and he coughs and gasps to get it cleared out.  In time she said that he will have to drink thicker liquids in place of water so that the brain can sense it and close the thorax up.  I remember thinking while she was saying all this what a miracle Heavenly Father created when he made the human body.  When we left the office we were given three brochures with an overview of what moderate Alzheimer disease entails and recommendations of what we will need to do to help make the process a little easier on Scott.  He is still my anomaly! 


This is not a title I sought out but one that has become necessary to embrace.  Most of the time the job is very doable and often gratifying and then there are days (or nights) when I have a good cry when I realize how important it is.  Sometimes I fail miserably.  When we went to Arizona for Scott's doctors appointment the doctor that we met with told me it was time to increase his medicine that helps him be calmer.  That increase should make it possible for him to sleep better at night and also help him from getting overly agitated.   I decided that I would wait until we got home on Friday night to increase the dosage.  The trip home had been painful for him and for me so it was easy to begin the medicine that might help him feel a little more at peace.  At about midnight the routine began where is was up and down the rest of the night getting dressed and redressed a number of times.  By morning I decided that we wouldn't increase the dosage and just keep doing what we had been doing but again by bedtime I was ready to try it one more time hoping that the additional medication dosage just took a bit longer.  It didn't help and by 4 a.m. we were both wide awake and he was pacing back and forth worried about when he should get ready for church.  In that moment I realized  that the reason the medication wasn't working is that I gave him additional Donepezil which is what he takes to increase his clarity instead of the medicine to help him relax and sleep better.  Poor Scott was so wired he couldn't sleep because I made a mistake.

Being a caregiver requires an great deal of attention to detail and on Friday and Saturday night I messed up.  I had a good cry when I realized what had happened.  I corrected the medications for Sunday night and we will try again, hopefully with better results.  The reason I started giving him his meds when we were in New Hampshire was because he would forget and take extra doses or not take them at all.  Until this weekend that wasn't a problem any more.  Now the problem seems to be that we have the "blind leading the blind!"

Friday, March 17, 2017

Family Crest

The Whitney Family Crest
I love the family crest that Christian and Amy and their kids designed.  We have such talented family members!

Friday, March 10, 2017

Spring Break

We were so excited to have Owen come and spend a few days with us during his Spring break.  I wish he could have stayed longer!  We picked him up on Tuesday morning at Concordia and then we drove to Rancho Cucamonga and took him for lunch at the Islands.  From there we came home in time to have the Webelo scouts at our house for a visit with a therapy dog and his training.  He spent the rest of the evening reading a book that was assigned for one of his classes.  On Wednesday he slept in and we were so glad because this grandson of ours works extremely hard!  We drove around and showed him the "hot spots" of Victorville--like where his dad went to elementary and high school.  Told him a few stories about his dad with an occasional embellishment for effect!  And made sure we fed him continually so when he got back to the dorm the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches would be a little more bearable.  On Thursday we decided to make a trip to the Los Angeles area for lunch at Pinks and a visit to the Santa Monica Pier.We would have done a few more things but we ended up driving 20 miles at hour on the 405 freeway so our trip back to Irvine took us 2 1/2 hours.  We settled for a nice dinner at an Italian restaurant and then sadly we had to say goodbye to Owen.  What a fine young man he is and it was such a treat to get to know him a little better. He is a wonderful young man and we were so grateful for the time we had to spend time with him.

Blue Cheese Burger

Homework doesn't stop on Spring Break

We loved his hours of practice because he
is so great

He is officially our California boy and has the flip flops to prove it!

He helped us with our bird bath which neither of us could carry


Pink's Hot Dog Stand

Pastrami Hot Dog

Santa Monica Pier